RDW - Day 1

Today is the first day of the challenge.
I kind of failed straight out the gate.
It's really hard to start a challenge like this when you're not at home, and you're finally celebrating Christmas with your family with biscuits and gravy, giant dishes of scrambled eggs and cheese, muffins, juice.. Yep. Started out right, didn't I?

So. When I got home, I made my vegan roommate go shopping with me.
I spent $100 on my groceries, preparing for this challenge.
I really thought it was going to be easier.
But it's not.
I chose a lunch from the Meal list to have for dinner- a whole wheat pita with turkey, tomatoesm, lettuce (romaine) and mayo.
Delicious. But not filling.
I had a vodka tonic with lime.
Also not filling. And not fulfilling. It was not all I thought it would be.
Beer, see, sort of fills a void in the tummy- all the carbs, I'm assuming.
But it's also delicious.
Vodka tonic? Not good. Real gross, actually.

I also cheated by eating about 75 jolly ranchers.
Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.
But, a few. Because I want to smoke.
I don't feel like I need it or that I'm dying, I just want to do it.
It's less an addiction more of a habit- and I'm terrible at breaking habits.

I want to eat everything, because that, too, is a habit.

I think the biggest part of this challenge is not using smokes and food to mask my emotions.
I've always been an emotional eater, and any time I'm upset, I smoke.

I think I'm afraid of all the emotions I've been holding back are going to come flooding to the surface and everyone will think I'm crazytown.

I've been an emotional eater for 25 years. An emotional smoker for about 5 of those.
(If my mother ever found out the latter, it would break her heart.)

So. Here's for day 2 being awesome, since I don't have class or work- just cleaning, some fish cooking and watching True Blood... maybe some roller derby workout video?

xox.