Texts Messages: Or, Why I Love My Friends

My friends are some of the most hilarious, random, amazing people on the planet.

Occasionally, they send me incredibly random text messages that make me literally laugh out... or snort... or chuckle... Or immediately read said message to the nearest person.

Here's a few examples of such :)

"What are the words to the fight song?"

"Dawwwwww. If she didn't have a coke addiction and fear of commitment you two would be so perfect together :) "

"Get drunk and act on your feelings. That's what I do. :) Be prepared to be slapped tho. Just cuz you're drunk doesn't mean everyone feels the same way about things"

"I really miss being a terrible grown up with you."

On my whiskey habits: "Whiskey never helps. It is a disaster drink. ....I always make angry choices when I drink whiskey..."

"I just woke up and had a minor heart attack because you weren't in my bed. Totes forgot I was at home. Thought you left me lol" ...this particular lovely friend allowed me to live in her apartment when I was homeless :) hahaha

"Remember: derby beats you because it loves you"

....more to come. :)

Full.

Even if my 3 miles are slow, I'm still going faster than that person still sitting on their couch.

Today my brain is extremely full of thoughts and ideas and paradigm changes... And I needed to clear my head.

So I went running.

I put on a playlist, stuck my ear buds in my ears, and ran.

(Nicki Minaj and Bright Eyes were my running partners today...)

I'm slow.

My form is not the best.

My breathing is sometimes erratic.

But I run, and I try, and I won't give up.

I've given up on living a healthy lifestyle too many times.

Today was my 5th day working out this week.

It should've been six, but sometimes, you just run out of hours in the day.

I can feel my muscles getting stronger. I can go for longer, and harder.

I can feel my spirit lifting, even if just a little, each time I sweat and catch my breath. Each time I up the weights on the machines....

I have issues with being 'in a mood'....

Working out fixes that.

If I'm in a shitty mood, I go run. (Endorphins are powerful.)

If I'm sad, I go lift weights. (They make me feel strong, and powerful and in control.)

If I'm pining over someone, I do push ups and core work outs... Because I feel if your core is strong, so is your heart.

And maybe that's a bit more spiritual and metaphysical subject matter than I usually write about... But these days, I feel everything is connected.

My heart, my soul, the earth, my breath when I run, the wind in the trees..

Working out fills my head, and my heart, with good thoughts.

When I run, I'm running away from the bad thoughts, the bad moods, the bad attitudes, the self-doubt.

And you know, maybe "running away" has negative connotations. But in this case, I mean that I'm leaving it behind.

I'm not a 5th grader, mad at my Mommy for telling me "no".. I'm mad at myself, and the world, for telling me no.

Because yes, I can. And yes, I will.

I'm so tired of hearing "no" all the time.

I don't know where I'm going with this...

The point is - It's all happening. It's all connected. It's all worth working for.

And if I have to stop eating carbs forever, I'll do it if it means I can skate like Suzy Hotrod, hit like Beyonslay, and look like that previously posted surfer girl....

My brain is full... my thoughts are everywhere... Can you tell? :)

Jello.

I started a new work out cycle today created by SRG's alum/KCRW current skater, Mary Lou Wretched.

I may or may not have said several times "Fuck that ho" and "I hate that bitch" while I did weighted lunges and cardio and Supermans and push ups....

I will love her in 3 weeks once I get my new cycle. :)

And when my shoulders and ass look amazing and my abs are smaller and I look incredible in my soon to be new little black dress. (Pin Up inspired. Platform peep toe heels. :D)

I'm just excited it's all happening.

And by that I mean I'm so excited I'M making it happen.

There was a possibility for a bet between myself and Russellmania for whoever lost the most body fat percentage by the first of the year.

I kindly declined.

While yes, it would inspire me to work harder... That's 1.5 months.

That's 6 weeks.

And while, yes, a lot can happen in 6 weeks... I just want to do this slowly and on my terms. :)

I had 1 week of working out... then a week off because I'm a lazy ass...

But today starts week 2 of consistent working out.

And I can already tell a difference.

My pants are all too big.

And so are my cardigans...

And I'm gonna have to go shopping, which I hate... but when is there a better time to buy new shit but when you're too small for all of your current shit. :)

However, I will say that my thighs/ass have gotten bigger.

Of course.. that's derby.

But it's bizarre to think that my waist and hips are getting smaller, but my muscles in my tush and thighs are getting super toned, and therefore bigger.

I'll never be teeny tiny and that's okay with me.

This journey is not about weight loss (although that will happen by default) it is about health and fitness.

So, yes... Maybe someday, if I work really fucking hard, I can look like this....
And who wouldn't want to? Homegirl is H-O-T. Toned, fit and still curvy!

instead of this:

And honestly... who the fuck would want to look like this? I mean, even Gemma Ward no longer looks like Gemma Ward, and good for her!!

(Okay... sorry, all you girls who love being impossibly skinny... But I like to eat, and I like to be strong... So, this is not a look I'll ever chase after.....)

Here's the thing about working out -

I sleep better.

I feel better.

I look better.

I feel more capable.

My confidence is directly related to how much and how hard I work out.

I get up on time. I get to work on time. I work harder, not just in the weight room....

So yeah.

Maybe it will take a while to look like surfer girl up there - but here's the thing. Fitness and health won't happen every night.

Every pound is a victory.

Every inch calls for celebration.

And every new muscle is worth a party in the street.

So, yes. Today, I am made of jello.

My shoulders have finally started to stop shaking.

My quads are still on fire....

And I'm a happy, happy, sleepy girl.

Running > Eating my feelings.

I'm currently still sweating my balls off from tonight's work out.

I didn't have the greatest day, and I didn't have the greatest welcome home.

Which... both left me furious, if I'm being honest.

I'm a self-admitted control freak, and I had the fury.

So, I grabbed Nemesis (my zune) and high tailed it to the gym... where I proceeded to do 30 minutes of interval sprints.

Which isn't bad for a girl who hasn't gone for a run on purpose in.... six months?

After that, I did a few overhead rows, just because I like them.

My long-distance trainer, Mary Lou Wretched, sent me my new plan - 3 days a week for 3 weeks.

I'll be starting it on Monday (because I'm weird and I have to start plans at the beginning of the week or I'll feel really weird about it...), and I'm super excited.

I'm ready to have a plan.

I'm ready to work my ass off - literally and figuratively.

I'm FINALLY sick and tired of being sick and tired and here's to Day 3 of actually doing something about it.

Back on the Wagon

Well. There was a whole week I didn't work out.

It was a sad week.

However! With the help of a highly motivated friend now workout buddy, I'm back on the wagon and working out 6 days a week again.

My pal Anna, has decided to be Team Awesome and work out with me.'

Afterall, my facilities are 'free'. (See also: included in my rent)... So why not utilize them?

I upped my hip sled weight today. I decided that cruising along and not challenging myself is exactly how I got to this lethargic, lazy-ass point.

I'm currently hip sledding my body weight. Which doesn't sound like much, considering everyone should probably be able to do that... But it's been YEARS (like 5+) since I've lifted.

Honestly, I've missed it. A lot.

I forgot what a power trip lifting is.

I always feel so strong lifting - even if I'm doing over-head rows at like, 33 pounds. :)

Each rep I finish is a huge sense of accomplishment.

Life is just better with work outs. :)

My derby name should've been Juice Box.

Who feels like a pussy for leaving practice early tonight?

This girl.

I thought it was because I was being a pussy and not skating well and blahblahblah...
But the Derbonic Plague has begun in our league.

I started developing a cough yesterday....
Then tonight, I got extremely dizzy after a sprinting drill (hence why I thought I was being a pussy)... I had some water... Started to cough, immediately juiceboxed (see also: barfed a lot)... got tunnel vision, my face/skin was so hot and red...

I don't know.
I've never experience that before.
So, I laid on the floor for a while, took off my gear so my skin would cool down...

Eventually decided I was less dizzy and could drive home, and left.

I'm at home now, half an hour later...
My face is still red and hot and my head is pounding.

I'll be having some tea, going to bed early, and hoping I feel better tomorrow.

Sigh.
Sometimes I feel like a derby failure.... even if I don't feel well and I can't help it...