Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson - 'Valerie'

I adore this song. It's a favorite shower song.



And in other news... if wanting someone new is the first step of really being over an ex... Well, pin a rose on my nose. :)

I'm ready for a new love adventure.
But this time, I won't be sitting around waiting- I have shit to do. So Prince Charming is gonna have to understand that I'm a busy lady.

RDWV - bane of my existence.

FINALLY. A crappy picture of my first big girl bruise!

I've really been a big ol' puss lately- I'm hoping it's because the PMS (pronounced in my league like "PIMS")...

Regardless! Things are good!
Last night's practice was brutal. I wasn't sure how brutal it was until I did the RDW video today. My muscles were so sore... I blame the Sandwich Hitting drills.

Elections are Tuesday.
Which is awesome AND sucks... since, you know, I have an orchestra concert that night, and in order to run, you have to be present.
Which SUCKS. Because, hello, orchestra, you're ruining my Derby life this semester.
I don't know what to do. I want to be on the board so I can help make things better- I do NOT want to wait a whole year before I can do so.

Anyway. I 'll figured out that conundrum tomorrow, I guess, with times and such. Maybe I can do both. :)
(wishful thinking... but I'm crossing my fingers anyway)

In other news, I wanted to order pads tonight... but I can't seem to make a decision to save my life.
Or maybe it's that I know what I want, but can't find a whole set of 187s. There's a package on Bruisedboutique.com that has 187 knees and elbows, but protec or triple 8 wrist guards... Which would be fine, but I already have those wrist guards.

See? WHINY.

Oh well! In other news, I went shopping. Which was glorious.
I bought two pairs of jeans, two new bras and 5 pairs of panties from Victoria's Secret. (love! perfection!) I also bought a roll-on version of Kat Von D's perfume 'Saint' to try it before I really commit to $60.
I'm probably going shopping again, because I have to dress like a guidette for a birthday party soon.
I am ill-equipped to dress as a guidette, so, to the mall I go.

What else.
Not much.. I got my phone situation settled- it was still under warranty, so they're sending me a new battery fo' free. (Technically, they're sending it to my parent's house since that's the billing address... and then they'll send it to me.)
I got the tires looked at/fixed. Pain in the ass, but it's alright.

And, if that wasn't enough- now I have a headlight out. Hooray.
So now I have to go get that fixed.
I also need an oil change, and for them to fix my windows. At least 2 of the 4 would be nice.
And maybe get my heat looked at-- it's not really heating much anymore.
Or maybe, I could just buy a new car. For $1,000 I could probably get an okay car that runs and works better than Big Sassy.

Moving on to something more positive.
Tomorrow the girls from SRG and boys from ODB are going to Ernie Bigg's Dueling Piano Bar to win some random contest which will result in lots of free pizza and 50 cent Coors draws.
And yes, I'll be partaking. I've done really well the last few days (despite the fact that I ate an extra waffle and drank nearly half a gallon of milk in the last 24 hours)... So, I'm going to wear my new pants, my new bra/panties and Enjoy a night where I don't have to count calories.
(And then feel like shit the next day, but it's totally worth it.)

And let's face it- I'll probably bar hop tomorrow. PBar then Bugsy's then The Outland to see the Detectives play. I love them! SO much fun. (And I'm usually significantly intoxicated by that time since I know my ex will be there with his slutty, awful, horrible, backstabbing new girlfriend. I promise I'm not bitter or angry anymore- It's just strange that we have friends in common and we frequent the same establishments. Especially since it was my establishment first.)

Hm.
I got nothing else.. except a few ibuprofen and some Propel to wash it down so my ribs will feel better.

Goodnight, all.
xox.

Words.

This weekend was lots of fun. So much derby!
We had a scrimmage against the StL Arch Rival girls so we could get in another WFTDA sanctioned game before the deadline.
I'm still a rookie, so I didn't play- but I sure did cheer a lot!

After, we all went to Hooters (my first time!).. so I indulged with an orange margarita, a giant bbq bacon cheeseburger and fries and later, 3 beers and a half a pack of smokes.
Okay... so I feel off the wagon pretty hardcore, but I jumped right back on today... even if today sucks.

Early this morning (about 1:30 am..) I was sober driving a few ladies home, but instead of actually driving anywhere-- my car had a flat.
Luckily, my Big's pal, Sam, was there to help me out.
I was really thankful he was there to help.
However, now I have to deal with the fact that my car needs to go to the shop.

Not to mention the fact that my phone is SHIT.. totally dead.
I have to leave it plugged in to do anything.
I took it to the craptastic TMobile store... and what did they say? "Oh, it's probably your battery. But we don't sell batteries here."
Um. What? You're a CELL PHONE STORE.

Anyway, I got angry and left the store.. Tomorrow I'll have to hunt down a battery.
And get my tires fixed.
And then have some retail therapy.
Because I deserve it.

If other news.. I skipped the RDWV at least 3 days in a row because I have this magnificent bruise on my inner thigh from a wheel and it hurt to do anything. lol
I'll have to post pictures... it's pretty incredible.

Well.. that's about it.
I'm still debating on the wheels I'm going to buy...
And considering new knee pads.. because I need 'em, bad.

Anyway. It's time to eat dinner.
I'm starving.

xox.

RDW... New wheels?

According to the scale, I've lost 6 pounds in the last two weeks.
It doesn't make me feel very productive at all.
Granted, I'm probably one of the most impatient people you'll ever meet.

I most certainly feel stronger.
Several of the Vets told me I brought it at practice, and that I was looking good.
One of the Ozarks Derby Brigade boys told me I have good hits. THAT I will take as a huge compliment and run with it... (even if he may be a little biased because he thinks I'm like.. totally adorable ;D (Saved! reference, anyone? lol))

I got my first big girl derby bruise.
I took a skate to the thigh.
My own skate, if I'm being honest. lol
And I don't bruise.. so having one says a lot about the fall I took.
Shrug. I was playing Queen of the Rink with the boys.
Mancheeta got lucky.

I don't really have much else to add currently, except that I have had the worst craving for ice cream in the last few days. It's AWFUL.
I had a cup of sherbert one evening- it was delightful.
But it's not a giant cup of OrangeLeaf frozen yogurt with fresh berries and gummy worms on top.

A few thoughts, though...

I don't do the Facebook prescribed workouts.
I have practice, the video and an aerobic dance class.
Is anyone else going off script at all? Even in the diet?
Sometimes I feel like certain meals are tiny, and others are gigantic and I can't finish them.
Am I alone in this?


In other derby related news. I'm in the market for new wheels. (I decided on Snyder toe stops over Gumballs. But size of snyder toe stops... Maybe large? Medium? Has anyone tried the Snyders?)
Which leads me to- What kind of wheels do you use right now? If you could buy your wish-list wheels, what would they be and why?

We skate primarily on a beautiful wood floor in our rink. It's extremely slick right now because of the weather and snow and fact that Ted turns the heat off during practice. However, the floor is being re-lacquered in a few months time, which makes it super sticky.
I'm currently rolling on Demon Radars, which was okay when I first started, but I think it's time to upgrade since my Training Class and I just had our 6 Month birthday/anniversary.
Thoughts? I'd love to hear from any of you!

xox.

RDW - on feeling feelings.

I'm having to face my bitterness and my anger and my fear now that I have nothing to fall back on (see also: food, beer and smokes).
It's not fun.
Sometimes I feel very crab-ass and reclusive. My poor roommate gets the blunt end of things.. I feel real bad for being suck a dick all the time.
And sometimes I'm quiet... Because I think I have nothing interesting to say.
(I really wish I could say this was not a consequence of being with the ex for a year plus.. But it is. It wasn't a bad relationship, per se, but his friends did know how to make me feel stupid or bitchy or.. whatever. So I learned to keep my mouth shut. How fucked up is that.)

So, here's the thing- I'm starting to lose my fear on the track. I'm starting to hit like I should, and skate like I should.. My form is getting better, my muscles are getting strong.. But outside the rink, I'm not a tiger anymore- I'm a kitten. Which is real lame.
I need to find out how to transfer Rink Tiger to Life Kitten. Because I'm not a puss. I am not a quitter, and I am not a weenie.

I read Malice Munroe's latest tumblr post... It was incredible, and it really summed up a lot of not-quite-new-anymore-but-still-a-rookie feelings- which seem to be a lot of my own feelings.
http://malicemunro.tumblr.com/post/2838658547/slightly-drunk-personal-post-on-derby-feel-free-to

Hm.
I really should be doing my homework right now. Or eating breakfast. or getting dressed...
It snowed here, and I'm not excited about it.
I'm certainly not excited about walking to campus- a walk which should take 5-10 minutes will most certainly take at least 30 today because I'll have my bag and my horn, and I'll have to cross National with all the idiots on the road today...

I've been listening to a lot of Jack's Mannequin today. Perfect music for the weather. (Who am I kidding? It's perfect music for all weather..)
"being poor was never better"


I really need to get back on the wagon of not snacking. That's my downfall.
Especially since I've only lost like, 3 pounds.
Patience, patience. What a difficult concept!
I'm feeling stronger, just not lighter.



asefajsdfjs. I really need to go to my homework for Counterpoint.
LAME.

How are you doing with the RDW?
Seeing any difference/improvement?
:)


xox.

A non-derby post!

I think I've worked it out
I think at last the cloud has moved aside
I've spent a lifetime waiting
Awoke today to find my arms are open wide
There comes a point when things aren't clear
Then they shift into perspective
All hesitation seems to disappear

I know I've found the way
I've finally found the way to let things go
The past is there to teach you
Mistakes provide the pain that helps you grow
So I have healed and I have grown
At some point I guess you have to
BUt I don't want to face the world on my own

Something has got to start
I am ready to be loved
Someone come steal my heart
I am ready to be loved
I know you'll find me it takes time
Today I know that I'm ready to be loved

I won't depend on you
I want comfort; I don't need a crush
I need to care for someone
And know that someone out there cares for me as much
I'm on a search for something great
I won't settle for contentment
Though I am willing to, I don't want to wait

Something has got to start
I am ready to be loved
Someone come stewal my heart
I am ready to be loved
I know you'll find me it takes time
Today I know that I'm ready to be loved

I was always the girl who thought she needed to be tough
I was never the girl who liked herself enough
To feel like she deserved someone who cares
But now I do, yes I do
I'm prepared

Um. Had a weird ass dream last night.
Something about my high school spanish teacher coming to teach at the University. I skipped class on accident, because my schedule was all effed up. He came into some class where I was hanging out with derby kids, eating cupcakes.
We hit it off.. He came to my parents house, because he moved in next door?
In my dream, he had a kid.
We smoked.

That was the dream. Strange.

To dream that you are eating alone, signifies loss, loneliness, and depression. You may feel rejected, excluded, and cut off from social/family ties. Eating may be a replacement for companionship and provide a form of comfort. Alternatively, eating alone reflects independent needs. Also consider the pun, "what's eating you up?" in reference to anxiety that you may be feeling.

To dream that you are eating with others, signifies harmony, intimacy, merriness, prosperous undertakings, personal gain, and/or joyous spirits.

To dream that you are smoking or offering a cigarette, signifies your need for a break. It may also points to issues of�dependency . However if you are against smoking and have this dream, you need to analyze aspects of your waking life and what you are doing that may adversely affect your health.

To dream that you are studying a foreign language, suggests that you are having difficulties expressing your thoughts. You are confronted with some unfamiliar problem that you do not know how to approach and resolve in your waking life.

To see your teacher (past or present) in your dream, suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and are ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. What subject was taught? Alternatively, a teacher relates to issues with authority and seeking approval. You may be going through a situation in your waking life where you feel that you are being treated like a student or in which you feel you are being put to a test.


WEIRD.
...that's the last time I eat spinach before bed!

RDW - day somethingsomething.

My newest weakness is peanut butter. Straight out of the jar with a spoon.
Wait.. just kidding. It's always been my weakness, but now since it's the sweetest thing in my apartment, I love it.
I do have a new found love for chunky peanut butter. It's so.. hearty. lol :)

Hmm... today I slept in (no class, woo woo!), woke up and ate breakfast, which consisted of: 2 egg omelet, spinach, some cheese and a Bartlett pear with coffee, sweetened with Truvia. (And 2 glasses of water- seems I can't drink enough!)

Then the roomie ( http://shineon516.blogspot.com/ ) and I did the video. Second day with skates on- AND I didn't cheat my planks or hydrants! (which, by the way- hydrants are made by the devil.)
Hooray! I also put on a sports bra that I haven't been able to wear since I bought it.
...maybe this will teach me to try things on!

Lunch consisted of grilled salmon and 3 cups of salad with mixed veggies and fat free/low fat italian dressing. Delish!! It was my first attempt at Salmon, so I'm really proud of myself!
I rolled it in some olive oil and salt and pepper and stuck it in the George Foreman grill. Voila! Perfect delicious salmon.

Tomorrow, I shall conquer shrimp. We'll see how that goes. LOL

Dinner was... kind of cheated. Delicious but cheated. About 1/2 cup cottage cheese, and a whole wheat tortilla with red sauce, cheese, spinach leaves, and tomatoes and onions.
...but then I ate it like a burrito.
Delicious! And filling! Hooray!

I woke up super crab-ass this morning, luckily the roommate is learning to handle my moods. haha
Moods that happen to be a little less crazy and often ever since I started the challenge.

The thing is- I'm hypoglycemic. And I was really angry and bitter about it for a while.
I would feel sick really often, and my blood sugar was really difficult to maintain.
My moods were crazy, and few people cared to brave them.
But now. I feel completely different. My blood sugar has stabilized- giving up white sugar and flour helped tremendously.
I sleep better. I'm happier in general.
And dammit, I just feel better.
I totally thank the challenge for that.
Let's face it- we're derby girls. Anything with 'challenge' in the title, we're going to do it- and we're going to kick its ass! Because that's how we roll. (pun intended ;D)

Then I had a few teaspoons of peanut butter. And soon, I'm going to bed.

Tomorrow, I'm selling my blood (plasma for rollercon!), going to class, orchestra rehearsal, then Horn Studio then practice!
It's a late practice, but I'm still excited.

Hmm. I guess that's it for the moment.

I had a random "i remember this moment" about the ex tonight. Super random, as it never happens anymore.
It was a happy memory.. But it made me think of other stuff.
Shrug. I think I just want someone to snuggle, that's all. :)

ANYWAY.
Have a good day tomorrow, everyone. :)

xox.

RDW - day... something.

I've been rather busy this weekend.
It was rather eventful and booze-soaked and awesome.
It included The JM Buttermilk rock n soul revue... The Detectives on steroid. (The Detectives are a 50s/60s cover band, one of which is a a Springfield Roller Girls alum.)
My roommate and I dressed in the style. We looked pretty incredible.

Me and Ellen.
I'm rocking the Victory Rolls but you can't see them in this photo.


I pretty much followed the diet- snacked a little on cashews during a late night study session.

I'm in a real mood today.
There was a comment made... some ridiculous words exchanged..
I'd write about it, but the girl follows my blog and I have tact, so I'll spare the details and say- it hurt my feelings. A lot.

So, instead of sleeping, I'm watching High Fidelity on the couch and updating my blog... A blog which I have nothing to write in currently.

I might've just eaten my feelings in the form of a spoonful of a peanut butter, and a whole wheat tortilla with red sauce and melted cheese.
Yep. Those were the worst things I had in my apartment. LOL

Speaking of breaking the rules.. I did have a few cigarettes this weekend.
It really wasn't as delicious as I remembered, and they all rocked my world so hard I couldn't concentrate on the conversations at hand.

I dunno. The action of smoking is so calming. I need a replacement, because these jolly ranchers are hurting my mouth.

Hmm.
Nothing to write about.
I wish we had practice during the weekend.

Tomorrow is the second day of RDW on skates... It's killer. My quads are still hurty.

Sorry this is such a lame post. Sandra Day O'Slaughter and I stayed up until 8:30am. She's good people.
I'm glad she's my derby big sis.
In fact, she gave me my greatest derby compliment yet- "You bring it." + "I think you're gonna hit harder than me."



On that note.
I'm going to watch Adventureland because it makes me feel better about my failed plans/lack of plans for after graduation.

xox.

RDW - Days 5 and 6

Well, yesterday turned out pretty spectacular.
I thought it was going to be complete shit, but instead of letting Thursday win- I kicked Thursday's ass.

I woke up late-ish, ate a delicious lunch, went to class.
I didn't get hungry until about 4pm, right in the middle of orchestra- which is an improvement.
It was also an improvement in my mood. I always knew the food you ate affected mood and, hell, even optimism- but I've never eaten this healthy on a consistent basis.
I never ate extremely poorly, but I am guilty of loving chinese food and gummy candy.
Soda is another weakness, but I think it's because I love the carbonation so much. I think this week I'll invest in some carbonated flavored, albeit sugar free, water.

So, I went home, thinking I'd make a lovely dinner.. But remembered my car battery was dead, so I had my roommate jump it (which took at least 30 minutes), then I had to inflate my tire and drive Big Sassy the Crown Vic around for a spell.
Once I got to my kitchen, it was 6:20pm and I had to leave for practice at 6:30.
So I hastily made a turkey/swiss/spinach sandwich and a cup of all-natural applesauce, stuffed it all in my face, tugged on my tights, and headed for practice, excited and bee-boppin' around.
It was like this:


When I got to the rink, all the lights were off on the floor, so we all started putting our gear on in the dark- which was actually kind of fun. :) My wife and I kept singing:

But I blame it on Elle Capone, because she was blasting it from her car in the parking lot.
...but then we just kept talking in rap/song lyrics. It was pretty incredible.

Practice was... amazing.
The girls who are playing the Arch Rival girls this month scrimmaged on one track, and the rest of us new kids/injured kids/kids who weren't rostered skated on the other track.
I was a little bummed at first, let's be honest, because I'm painfully aware of the fact that I am not rostered, but I still need to scrimmage and learn the game.

Anyway. We did some pack drills and hitting drills.. It was a lot of fun. However, during a snake drill, I encouraged my wife "Come on! Hit me! I'm right here, give it hell!" ....and then she did. But now my nickname is BrickHouse because when she hit me, she passed out.
I like to say I knocked my wife unconscious, but lol she knocked herself out.
After that drill, we did sprints, and then played Queen of the Rink- a favorite!
One of our hardest hitters, MissChetty Boop, has incredible JohnnyCrashes... They're lethal.
But I stayed up. I laughed a little and told her I was gonna have a bruise on my boobies.. She came back with "I will NEVER johnnycrash you again." Best compliment of the night!
Closely followed by Mary Lou Wretched, during snake drill, saying "Oh, thank God you're hitting on my right side." (she broke her left collarbone 3 months ago, and is still healing.)

Oh. And I got punched in the eye. So there's that. lol

All in all a GREAT practice.

I proceeded to go downtown and make a drunken fool of myself... but hey. I had fun. :) Ridiculous fun involving 6 shots of bourbon... I might've molested/groped a derby brother who works the hotdog cart... And my wife might've punched my ex in the anus. Again. (Although, I wasn't there for that moment.. She apparently stood around and chatted with those boys for a while after she punched him...) Hmm... I also slipped and fell in someone's spilled drink while twisting the night away- I remarked "It's hard to get up- I don't have toe stops!"
I did however, have about 3 drags of a cigarette and I felt like dying- it nearly knocked me on my ass, and now I'm all coughing and hacking today. It wasn't worth it- my body is over smoking. hooray!

Yep. Silly times. :)

Today.. well, today's real boring. I slept through my plasma appointment, ate a fried egg on an english muffin, watched Twilight and took a shower.
Look out, I'm on a productivity rampage! lol :)
The ex is coming over to get his shit. If I were meaner, I would've sold it... or set it on fire, since it's taken him SIX MONTHS to grow a pair and come get it.
Good thing is, I don't even remotely want to smoke.

Later the roommate and I are going to do the RDW video, and then get ready for the JM Buttermilk show- pretty excited to wear a dress and heels and my 50s prom dress.

Anyway. Time to clean a little, I suppose.. so that my entire day doesn't go to waste.

xox.

RDW - Day 4 - the stress is catching up.

This challenge might be making me a little crazytown.

I've been increasingly more emotional everyday.. which is strange, because I'm not a very outright, openly emotional sort of gal.
(But let's be honest- for the last 5 years, I've been smoking to cover my emotions.)
I guess it's just strange that I can feel how much not working out for one day affects my mood.
I didn't do the challenge yesterday because I'm waiting for my disc to get here today.. And today, I'm feeling really lethargic and mopey.
Thank God today is practice.. And please God, don't let us do the damn snake drill the whole time- I really want to scrimmage. As a rookie, I need it. (I'm aware I need endurance and sprints and blahblahblah too... But this month is my class's Six Months skating! And dang it, I want to start learning how to play the game beyond our hometown bout.

Hmm... Anyway.
Yesterday I snacked, because I was up till 3am studying.
But, I snacked on two pieces of organic dark chocolate (thanks roomie!) and cashews.. plus like, 8 cups of black coffee- 3am is way past my bedtime.
My meals were okay.. Dinner was hurried- the roommate was making some squash business and therefore occupying the kitchen before my night class.

Today, will be better.. Even though I want to smoke a lot.
Things are happening in my life that are making me stress out a lot, and that makes me want to smoke a lot.
I thought I had $100 more dollars than I do.. But I don't.
I have $37, with which I have to pay dues.
Even though my last pair of jeans have a hole now.. and I'm not the best seamstress, so they're probably going to join the land of jeans with holes. I'd wear them to a derby function with like, fishnets or tights underneath... but I can't wear them to class or work.
I found out that I can't appeal my "you have too many credits" financial aid stuff again after this semester- But I have one more semester left. I mean, granted, I only have about 4 hours to finish after this semester... But I'll have to pay out of pocket for those 4 hours, and rent and gas and groceries, etcetcetc. I suppose it's time for a big-girl job- which I'll start looking for ASAP.
Perhaps the Humane Society. That could be fun... and they have benefits... and some of my Derby family work there... hm.

Regardless. I'm all emotional and crazytown, and skating will help.

Keep up the good work, sisters! We're doing awesome!

xox.

RDW - Day 3

Well, I survived today.
Even though nicotine/caffeine withdraw made me want to kick puppies.

I almost caved and had a smoke- I went out to my car (Big Sassy) to go pick up Pearce to discuss the SRG student organization, and then head to practice... But, Sassy wouldn't start. Her battery was totally dead.
So, I asked my roommate to come jump start my car... Only to discover that her biofueled VW Bug wouldn't start, either, because it was so damn cold.
So, I made my wife come pick me up.. and Pearce.. (She's a good wifey)... But as we were driving, her back passenger side tire acquired a huge gash in it- so by the time we were at the rink, it was completely flat.

Thus started my evening.

We had late practice (8 instead of 7).
Which consisted of some endurance and hitting... then Q&Afor all the rookies newer than me who had questions about strategy and breaking up walls and Blocker Positions (1,2,3,4... earth, water.. blah blahblah.)
Then the boys had their practice, and while they were on their track, we had land practice.
I love land practice- I'm fairly certain the RDW video is much easier because of land practice.

I had a few really solid hits.
Once I get my timing and aim right, I'm aiming for being a really hard hitter.
I'm excited to improve- especially since it seems I can't get rostered for anything.
But that's my impatience as a rookie (and as myself.. let's face it- I've never EVER been patient).

Well, anyway, back to the challenge...
Breakfast, english muffin, egg, swiss cheese.
Lunch, a cup of grapes, since I didn't want to cut half an apple, one piece whole wheat bread, 3 oz turkey, mayo/mustard- to which I added some cheese and romaine lettuce
Dinner, 1.5 cups whole wheat pasta, 6 oz chicken, 1 cup broccoli, .5 cup pasta sauce. (I didn't eat all this because it was a GIANT meal. But I knew I needed some fuel before practice).

Snack... Let's be honest about this- after practice, Pearce and Hodges and I drove around for a minute, and ended up at TBell... so I got two fresco crunchy tacos, beans, no meat. I thought it was pretty acceptable...
Except that I came home and ate string cheese and almonds and a huge class of water...

What can I say? After practice, I'm RAVENOUS.
We usually head to Old Chicago and drink beer and eat giant plates of nachos.
....oh, Breckenridge Vanilla Porter, how I miss thee.

But seriously.
I miss beer a lot.
This hard liquor shit isn't cutting it.
I'm probably going to drink this weekend, and dance the night away.
I've been in college far too long to be able to tolerate classes without a little alcohol reward at the end of the week.
But hey, I figure if I have a beer or two, it's better than the 3-4 times a week that I was drinking.

Also... I'm kind of glad I'm not going out as much- it's really saving me some money.
Which is awesome...

because.. HELLO ROLLERCON 2011!!! Super de-duper excited to go and do and learn and see and meet all you lovely ladies!

On that note... I have class in the morning.
Aerobic Dance. Don't judge-- I needed a 1 credit hour class, and Pearce said "TAKE THIS CLASS WITH MEEEE".
I figure it can't hurt, what with this challenge and all. ;D



xox.

I'm really nervous about my music classes.
It's been a long time since I've taken any of them... or seen a lot of my colleagues.
And I'm nervous.

Which makes me want to smoke.
Because when I'm nervous or feeling awkward, I smoke because I don't know what else to do with my hands/face.

These jolly ranchers are really not helping me kick the sugar habit, either, which is one of the main goals of the RDWC- to get all the crap out of your diet.

Maybe some sugar free gum is in my future....

I still want to smoke.

RDW - Day 2

Well, I sort of failed a little today, too.

Breakfast was great, actually... I ate it at like, noon. So it was more like lunch than breakfast.
A fried egg, swiss cheese and a whole wheat english muffin.
I added a few pieces of orange, though.. I just wanted some!

Then I had a snack- string cheese and some wasabi/soy sauce almonds. Which sounds like it's against the rules, but it's only about 5 or 10 more calories than regular almonds.

Dinner was chicken breast, broccoli and a baked sweet potato (which, consequently, made me feel like ass. I googled it.. because after all, sweet potatoes are supposed to be good for the tummy.. Someone suggested that I eat it without the skin. So, we'll see how that goes!)

My next snack was not on the list- rye chips with cheese and sausage- like tiny pizzas.
I guess I don't feel.. guilty, per se. But, still. I went off script. And I know that with my willpower, I'll have to follow the rules. Otherwise, I will eat an entire container of cottage cheese, because it's delicious and that's how I do.


In other news, I suppose... Classes start this week.
Tomorrow, I have 18th Century Counterpoint then Orchestra... then practice!
I love practice. :) It's such a rush to practice with the vets, and finally get some skate credit. (see also: being seen as more than a rookie is pretty stellar.)

I'm hoping that through all this workout challenge business, I'll get stronger and fitter and I'll get rostered.

I just want to play.
So often I think we forget what's important- that's skating and the team.
Not all the politics and not all the girly bullshit that happens with women...
Just skating, and the team.

And man, I just want to skate. I want to play the game.

In otherother news, I'm almost done with season 2 of True Blood.
YESSS.
Hodges has gotten me hopelessly addicted to this show.
It's wonderful.
I love the characters and the crazy story line- and of course, swooning over Godric, and Eric and Bill and Jason and all their P90X type bodies!
Yum.

Anyway... tomorrow is another day.
Time to finish this season and hit the sack.
Must have my energy up for practice!

edit. in other news.. I WANT TO SMOKE. My dentist would be appalled at the number of jolly ranchers i am burning through. ALJALDASLDKJHASDWEF.

RDW - Day 1

Today is the first day of the challenge.
I kind of failed straight out the gate.
It's really hard to start a challenge like this when you're not at home, and you're finally celebrating Christmas with your family with biscuits and gravy, giant dishes of scrambled eggs and cheese, muffins, juice.. Yep. Started out right, didn't I?

So. When I got home, I made my vegan roommate go shopping with me.
I spent $100 on my groceries, preparing for this challenge.
I really thought it was going to be easier.
But it's not.
I chose a lunch from the Meal list to have for dinner- a whole wheat pita with turkey, tomatoesm, lettuce (romaine) and mayo.
Delicious. But not filling.
I had a vodka tonic with lime.
Also not filling. And not fulfilling. It was not all I thought it would be.
Beer, see, sort of fills a void in the tummy- all the carbs, I'm assuming.
But it's also delicious.
Vodka tonic? Not good. Real gross, actually.

I also cheated by eating about 75 jolly ranchers.
Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.
But, a few. Because I want to smoke.
I don't feel like I need it or that I'm dying, I just want to do it.
It's less an addiction more of a habit- and I'm terrible at breaking habits.

I want to eat everything, because that, too, is a habit.

I think the biggest part of this challenge is not using smokes and food to mask my emotions.
I've always been an emotional eater, and any time I'm upset, I smoke.

I think I'm afraid of all the emotions I've been holding back are going to come flooding to the surface and everyone will think I'm crazytown.

I've been an emotional eater for 25 years. An emotional smoker for about 5 of those.
(If my mother ever found out the latter, it would break her heart.)

So. Here's for day 2 being awesome, since I don't have class or work- just cleaning, some fish cooking and watching True Blood... maybe some roller derby workout video?

xox.