It's been a while since I've added a new entry.
I guess it's because my life has been relatively calm.
And what a delicious calm it has been.
I've been trying to be an active participant in my physical and emotional health as of late.
I know that sounds like such a strange idea... An active participant.
But a lot of college aged people don't notice how their body feels, or what makes it feel that way, or what they can do to make themselves feel better.
I noticed a lot of this when I started eating towards my blood sugar.
My diet consists of a lot of fruits and vegetables, protein, fiber, calcium... I try really hard to keep my sugars down very low.
Decreasing my sugars and increasing things like calcium and fiber have helped my anxiety/stomach issues a lot.
I don't really know why I'm writing about this..
I guess it's because I've noticed a change in my mood, and my energy-- and definitely a change in the fact that I don't throw up what I eat anymore- I'm not gorging myself on sugar.
I feel so much better.
And I know it has a lot to do with where I am in life.
As much as it hurt, getting rid of fraternity, and the people associated... It has helped my stress levels and my anxiety levels.
It's really gotten me focused back on ME, my grades, my cat, my time and money management...
Which is incredible.
I also get to focus a lot of time on my relationship with the Boy.
To be really honest... Sometimes I want to sell him to the mob because he drives me crazy or I get mad about something dumb.
But most of the time.. I am unbelievably, deliriously happy. He is my best friend. My confidante. My love. My knight in shining armor... even though I don't believe in that character motif. :)
He really has been such a support to me. And there's no possible way I could ever thank him for that.
(i love this picture so much.. it's beautiful.)
Emotionally, I'm feeling a little better..
But as it turns out.. one of the 3 girls who caused the trouble has been trying to contact me.
I don't understand. I'm trying so hard to move on, and get past everything- but still forced to live with it.
And she's calling to tell me about church, and visions of her dead mother, and then ask me to pub crawl?
I don't get it. I never answer my phone when she calls. She leaves messages.
I have given her so many chances, and I want to be a good role model and a great mentor to her.
But she made stupid decisions instead of good ones, so she decided to no longer be my mentee.
I have been a doormat my entire life.
Too polite to stand up for myself.
Too nice to stop giving 2nd chances, and 3rd chances, and 47th chances.
But still getting called a bitch.
