Big Girl Decisions

After much delay and fighting to avoid it, I've finally reached the Big Girl portion of my life.
I interviewed for a full time position at a music store in town. Of course my 5-10 year goal is opening a bakery, but I have to have a way to pay the bills.

However, I had an interview with a music business in town today, their immediate response to my interview went as follows:

Hi Melanie,

You made quite an impression on Rachel & Kate - they came back to my office and told me to just hire you! :D

But first, you have to make the same impression on me. So, do you have time this week to meet with me? I was thinking we could meet for breakfast, either tomorrow or Friday...


D******
Vice President - Springfield Music


So, I had breakfast with the VP this morning.
They also thought I was hilarious, so that's definitely a plus! They asked me what my strengths are.. I said, and I quote "My sparkling personality and dazzling wit" (thank you, Sandra Day O'Slaughter for such a lovely quote to use!) They were impressed with my summer of studying abroad, even if it wasn't for music. The boys in the office love that I'm a "band person", and made jokes about how french horn players never know what to do with their hand when you kiss them. heh...
However. He made it sound as if I have to chose between playing derby and working.
Which sucks SO much because I need roller derby. NEED!
But I also need a job.
The job is amazing - I'd be making good money, working with good people, in a field that I will have a degree in! (Not a lot of people can say they're working in their desired field. And while yes, I am a performance major and I'd prefer a job in a major symphony- that's not going to happen unless someone dies or quits. And neither happen in orchestras! haha)
In about 6 months, I'd have the opportunity for promotion, possibly obtaining the Education Coordinator spot, or something similar - which would possibly change my schedule to not working on Saturdays, and working daytime hours.
AMAZING. I'd be working with the education side of things and I could tell my old MusEd advisor to suck it, because even without his help, I still got a job in education without my teaching certificate.


Getting a job as a roller girl is a catch-22 - You can't play derby without a job/money/income, but you can't play derby WITH a job...

I know, and am well aware, that I will take this job, that I NEED to take this job. It's full time with benefits.
However, I'll have to miss one practice a week. (Dropping my attendance to 50%)
And I have to work on Saturdays, meaning I would miss a lot of bouts.
He explained that once in a while, it's fine to ask for a Saturday off, but once a month is difficult, as the people who could take my shift are the him, and two other high up people, who don't want to work Saturdays.

Granted I can make up practices to get that 70% I need to be roster-able, and I don't need to be at every bout forever.
But I'm worried about the schedule.

Derby has changed me and made me better.
It has done a lot for me.
I have met some of the most incredible and influential people by being involved.
And while I can't live without a job anymore (without starving or becoming the smelly kid in class), I can't live without derby.
I need income, but I need derby, too.

I am such a mess of emotion- I'm excited about the prospect of a job that I won't hate, with really wonderful people, but really depressed about the derby I'll miss.

This is not my first big girl decision while being a part of SRG.
My first included bowing out of my first big girl bout because I wasn't healed yet, and I was afraid to hurt myself and my teammates with my sloppy freshly-back-from-injury skating.

Derby makes me face life head on.
I hate it and I love it.
I've never been confrontational. In fact, I've been passive-aggressive my whole life.
I've always suffered in silence, and dealt with mistreatment and rude people without a word.
Then I ran away to the desert.
Then I joined derby.
Then I quit my job.
Then I started becoming who I want to be, who I've always wanted to be.

Clearly this is a common theme in my blogs.

However, instead of writing about quitting, I'm writing about possibly accepting a sweet gig...

I'm kind of in full panic attack mode even thinking about quitting derby.
I don't think I can live without it.
I've been a much happier, much more fulfilled person since I've started.

I wish I didn't have to choose...
And I'm hoping that I won't have to.
I explained I'm still a rookie, and I don't have to play, or go to, as many away games, but that, as Bout Planning committee head, I have to be at home bouts.
...But I guess if I'm not playing, and bouts aren't mandatory, I don't necessarily have to be there... I can delegate and pass off the clipboard to someone in my committee who is equally as capable of keeping our teams in line...

Okay, so looking at this logically: There's a chance I might not even get rostered for all the Battle Broads games...
So, my schedule with BB, if I AM rostered for them all looks like this:
May: 2 bouts - 1 home, 1 away (TARG - Sunday; CoMo - Sunday)
June: 2 bouts - 1 home, 1 away (Rt66 - Saturday; Green Country - Sunday)
July: 1 bout - home - (MoKan - Saturday)
*Rollercon... oops! :D
August: 2 bouts - 1 home, 1 away (Team Unicorn (all stars)- Sunday; Rt66- Saturday)
September: 1 bout - home (OKVD - All Stars - Sunday)
October: 1 bout - home (St Chux - Sunday)

So, really, I have 3 Saturdays, and 1 week that I'm unavailable (which might include some Friday nights for driving time.. But hey, I know other girls have to work, so maybe we can get a non-derby person to drive the car, and we can sleep through the night.)

This list made me feel infinitely better.

Sigh. Okay. This is do-able. This can work out.
Now I just wait for them to call back!


So. Maybe use roller girls can have our cake, and eat it too!
Because, honestly, who doesn't love cake???

Life after Injury

Tonight is my first practice back from being injured.

I've been off skates for a month.

I still haven't bought new knee pads. (Because I'm broke, duh. lol)

The plan of action for tonight is:
-duct tape my pads in place.
-Use the placebo effect in having Jailhouse Jenny wrap my knee.
-Skate hard, skate fast.
-Maybe vomit.. before or after is still to be determined.

I'm nervous.
I haven't been on skates... I'm afraid I'll be a hot mess, and my skills will have regressed.
I'm afraid I'll get hurt again.
I'm afraid if I get hurt again, I'll be out for a lot longer.

Really, I'm being Melanie, I'm not being New Pound Glory.
Maybe my attitude will change when I put on my tights and Rollerbones shorts and strap on my skates...

I guess we'll see.
But I'm nervous.

This bitch is HILARIOUS. I LOVE this post. I especially like the part about excuses. LOVE. lovelovelovelove.

Favorite part?
I'm having an off day.
I'm having an "off" life. That's the reason I play derby. This is your time off from everything else. So whatever's on your mind, get over it and get in the game.


I would love to follow her blog.. but I must be internets-retarded, because I can't find the follow button... SO. Here's this. Enjoy!
**Correction - yay, hooray, found her follow button. :D


xxx

I had this dream where the world was about to end and this huge spaceship was filling up the horizon and it was the future so you can imagine all the buildings were sleek and tall. Everyone was about to die and then I saw this tiny little fish. Only it wasn't a fish since it was swimming in the sky, not water...anyway it was swimming and somehow I knew- This thing is the messenger. And somehow- I guess since it was my dream- I got to be all in charge of everything. The little fishy alien squished it's way right up to me and blurted out that the big thing in the sky about to kill everyone was it's mom. I hysterically screamed- "TELL HER TO STOP!!!" I pointed and commanded the thing to high-tail it back to the ship and make waves! It pouted and looked at the sky then back to me and shrugged saying, "No, I can't do that... I'm too small. " I was furious at the stupid alien fish thingy. How, I struggled to imagine, could you see the end of the world approaching and not even try to stop it?! I woke up still shaking my head. It bothered me all day. I thought of all the ways I should have killed the little bastard. I shook my head weeks later- even today- wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean.

Well that's interesting.

The first "specialist" I saw about my knee was pretty wimpy. The doctor and two of her interns crowded around my knees, frowning, pushing and pulling and talking code for "I don't know." I left with no idea what was wrong with me and a list of excersizes I was sure were actually meant to piss me off. They were inner leg lifts and a few stretches. How the fuck am I ever going to play roller derby again with this sorry excuse for rehab?? I was pissed. Ice. Elevate. Be pissed. Ice. Elevate... But I'm persistant.

I went to a fancy knee center- with a real gym inside it. They specialize in knees AND sports injuries. AND they took a bunch of x-rays. It was fancy. I waited in a little room on a little bed covered with a thin sheet of paper that stuck to my now atrophied thighs. I was trying to guess at what he might tell me. I tried to prepare myself not to burst into tears if he said my knees had taken all they could handle and derby was no longer an option. Is this the end? My shoulders sagged and I must have looked pathetic when he burst through the door.

A few minutes later, after my legs had been suffeciently man handled and he'd shared a few quizical looks with his accompanying therapist and a few gutteral grunts, the doctor spoke. And his first question wasn't about what I couldn't do. He wanted to know what I'd been doing to strengthen the muscles around my knee.

I was surprised. The other doctors had said to ice and elevate, do a few lame stretches (while watching House) but otherwise no "pushing it" was ordered. I told him I'd been biking to work a few days a week 13.5 miles each way. He shrugged. "Is that flat land then? Or are you really working hard?"he asked suspiciously. I smiled. I already liked him.

I took the stairs down to the parking lot sporting a seriously goofy grin. I sent my derby wife an all caps text with about ten exclamation points-for safe measure. And as I setteled in to my daily commute I started thinking of which gym I'd be going to, what machines to use, what my goals would be, and then... why hadn't I been doing these things months ago?! What had changed?

It's so wild that such a small thing- like a few good words from a doctor- can change everything. Well, that's fucking interesting...man.

You can change everything by changing your mind. If you believe it, it's already the truth. So go ahead and try it out. Next time you start to feel like you should just coast off to the side and maybe sit down for a second, maybe take a breather... check this Handy Index of Excuses and follow the prescription.

I'm Tired
Play smarter. Take big deep breaths. And stop whining- Everyone is tired! This is Roller derby!

I Need Water
Yeah. And are you going to die of thirst before this drill is over? Think about kids in Haiti. Maybe they're thirsty too. But do they stop in the middle of drills to go get water?

I'm gonna PUKE!
Cool man. Remember to hydrate and get right back in, we need a jammer.

I need to stretch.
Ok. In fact, why don't we all just stretch. And we'll take off our skates and get mats. We can put on Moby and we'll call it Yoga. ...no, but really though. Stretch what you need to stretch. But do it with the quickness, we're down a man.

I'm having an off day.
I'm having an "off" life. That's the reason I play derby. This is your time off from everything else. So whatever's on your mind, get over it and get in the game.

I've got a hang-over.
Such is the life of a rollergirl. Roller girls all over the world got drunk last night. There, I said it. Now you can use that thought as a tiny consolment. and Hydrate.

I have a headache/ cold sore/ runny nose/ stomach virus/ diarrhea...yuk./ halitosis/ backache/ sore throat/etc.
So, are you in or out? Because if you're in, you're going to have to let that all fade into the nether regions of your gigantic brain. You can do anything you want. Even with diarrhea. and Hydrate.

I have the flu.
Fucking go home! NOW! Before you get us all sick! You fucking lunatic. ...but I dig the commitment, dude. Next time, call in.

My endurance sucks.
Wonder why. Here's a news flash- building your endurance actually! (Literally!) physcially! HURTS! But don't worry, it won't hurt as bad next time.

I'm out of shape. I'm too big. I'm too weak. I'm too slow. I'm too small....I'll never make a roster.
Not with that attitude. Decide not to give in to excuses. You should know by now there are no good ones. You either do, or you don't. So put your mouthguard in, and go knock someone down!

Hype tunes

It seems derby teams are always looking for a sweet intro song... So, these are the suggestions I sent to my captains...

Some of them are incredibly high-octane hype songs, some of them are feminist indie rock... Some just make me wanna skate real fast... some of them are hilarious because of the lyrics...

SO. If my team had a mix cd.. this would be the one I would create.

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett
Seven Deadly Sins - Flogging Molly
Fat Bottom Girls - Queen (or Don't Stop Me Now)
My Friends Over You - New Found Glory
A-W-E-S-O-M-E - Reel Big Fish
Starstrukk - 3OH!3
Bottoms Up - Trey Songz Ft. Nikki Minaj
Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Roisin Murphy
Queen of the World - Ida Maria
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Stupify or Down With the Sickness - Disturbed
Pistol Grip Pump - Rage Against the Machine
Spit or Brackish - Kittie

If I could choose a Peaches song, and be wildly inappropriate.. it would be Fuck the Pain Away

To-Do List

Feeling a little overwhelmed, but trying to kick ass and take names as much as possible..
It's hard when I have all these things on my plate:

-Finals week.
-Music of the Renaissance final [check!]
-Research paper due.
-One big project due.
-My first bout.
-Find some monies to pay for trip out to said first bout.
-Pay MSU bill
-Register for summer classes
-Pay bill for ER trip [send FinAid packet]
-Get an effing job
-Finish my piano proficiency test [Scheduled for Friday Morning]
-Horn studio Mock Juries (directly after we're leaving for Indy.. my car is actually leaving a bit later than planned because I have this...)
-Pack for Indy.. At least my clothes are clean.
-Get my Sugars back from Pearce - someone remind me of that later. [getting them Thursday]
-Go to class... which is what I'm working on right now :/
-Not fail out of college. Which I think is pretty important, since I have 6 hours left...
-Start training to Ref Ozark's Derby Brigade games... :D



This semester just seemed to fly by.
Which is totally fine.
But now it's finals week and I feel rather stressed out.
Typically when I feel like this, I go for a run and then I feel like I can conquer the world.
Sigh. I want Alice to completely heal so I can freakin' work out!

That's enough of my ramblings, I'm just procrastinating now...