You're fucking perfect to me.

made a wrong turn once or twice

dug my way out, blood and fire

Who knows.

Maybe I'm the only 20-something that has absolutely no idea what they're doing.

But maybe I'm not.

Maybe there's an entire generation of lost kids out there.. wondering what their next step is going to be.. wondering what to do next when they can't make their dollars stretch and no one is hiring 20-somethings full time.

It's as if someone forgot to sit us down and tell us how to be responsible, money saving adults.

There are days (much like today) that I can't even figure out where to apply - or HOW to apply - for full time jobs.

Yes. I'm over-educated.

Yes. I'm probably over qualified.

No. I don't have the experience you're requesting, but I'm a quick learner.

Honestly, I can't even get a job serving because at 26, I've never done it.

I worked retail for 5 years.

Then a gracious derby sister let me work as her law assistant.

And now I'm working part time at a temporary Halloween store.

Yes. My bosses like me a lot.

Yes. I'm hoping they will give me a job at the main store.

No. I don't want it.

I have to force myself to remember what my goals are and how I'm going to get there.

Here's what I want:

I want to get a job at OTC in the HR department.

BECAUSE

I want my tuition fo' free.

BECAUSE

I want to get my culinary arts degree with an emphasis in baking.

BECAUSE

I want to open my own bakery someday.

Preferably with my mother.

Preferably not in Springfield, because let's face it - there are about 1 million bakeries here.

I want to save some start-up capital.

I want to move away from Springfield (which may be the hardest thing I'll ever do since I love SRG so fucking much).

I need direction. I need motivation.

I need money to pay my rent.

And honestly, I don't think a full time job with benefits is too much to ask.

Sure, everyone wants one of those...

But why can't I get one!

GAH.

Maybe us 20-somethings need to lower our job hunting standards.

Maybe we need to settle for less than we deserve.

Perhaps I'm just having a lapse in my own confidence...

I just need a job.

Because while I admire the courage of several of my favorite teammates for moving back in with their parents... I am not that courageous.

And I don't want to leave SRG, or my lease commitment with the roommate.

Life for 20-somethings is such a catch-22.

Move back in and save some money and have to live with your parents again and admit defeat... Or struggle, try to rise above and pay your own bills and possibly drown and have to revert back to option 1 in the first place.

I hope I'm not alone in all my crazy 20-something, jobless, poor feelings...

Because right now, life as a 20-something is pretty scary...

And i'd prefer my life with my Derby team in it... they make life less scary.

Maybe I'll just create a giant derby commune and we can all live and skate and have derby gear shops and be entirely derby sustainable...

Or maybe I'll keep dreaming and I'll keep fighting and pushing along.. Because someday, my hard work will pay off, and I'll have everything I want.

pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

like you're less than fucking perfect

pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel

like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

This time I'm not leaving without you.

I've been reading and re-reading these blogs for about an hour.

http://www.derbylife.com/articles/2011/09/overheard_what_not_say_practice
http://www.derbylife.com/articles/2011/07/never_skate_scissors_and_other_advice_surviving_roller_derby
http://www.derbylife.com/articles/2011/08/first_year_things_i_wish_i_had_known_demanda_riot
http://www.derbylife.com/articles/2011/09/im_sorry_im_not_sorry_derby_not_my_highest_priority

I'm going to write a response to them.
Sort of.
...Okay, I'm going to TRY to write response to all of them.
It might just be like a normal post where I ramble about derby until I get to a stopping point.

Until then, please peruse the blogs so you can comment and have some input :D
Or, just peruse them and enjoy.. they're good ones.

LOVE!



PS. PsychoSuzie and I are are moving tomorrow. Please come help us. Even if you can only take one care load over with us - that's better than zero carloads! Text or call for more details :)

It's been a long time since I came around...

I promise... I will update soon. I have so much to write about! Things like.. Rollercon! And... bout planning! And committees! And cliques! And derby... in general! Maybe I'll even throw in some ridiculous and witty anecdotes about my own life... Like how I had a date with a boy who is a LARPer... and then he moved to KC about a week later... and took my brownie pan with him when he left. And I want it back! Or like how Psycho Suzie and I are roommates... and we're moving this week. Or how I want to move to Dallas because the men of Dallas Deception are lovely and handsome and incredible... and they took me to my first strip club. lol :) Or.... something else awesome and entertaining. But until then.... Keep on keepin' on. Or something. :)