Hosanna - Hillsong

Verse 1:
I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

Yeah

Verse 2:
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Chorus:
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest


Verse 3:
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

Verse 4:
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

(chorus)
Bridge:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

(chorus x2)

Hosanna in the highest

It's becoming easier for me to say "someday, if i get married i'll...."
Like yesterday, when I had to call and visit several bridal shops looking for a dress for the formal.
I called my mom and had to report on all of them "I really liked this one- I think if I get married, I'll come back here."
etc etc etc.

I'm gonna marry that boy.

A few nights ago, he drank a lot at a party, and when I was driving us through Taco Bell, I mentioned keeping him, or staying with him forever... and he mentioned that he couldn't afford a ring yet.
I said, "You know you'll have to ask my dad if you can do that, right?"
He said, "Oh, I know. I have a notepad file on my laptop with all the things I could say to him." Then said "But of course I can't get to it, since my laptop is broken...."

my heart is all a flutter.
i really do love him.




I've been angry and bitter for a long time.
And i'm exhausted.
I am so tired of making snide comments in my head about everything and everyone because I'm so bitter at the world.

So. This is the beginning of my prayer.
A prayer of peace, and grace and kindness... compassion...
Because I'm exhausted.
And I'm tired of thinking horrible things about people- even if I justify it by telling myself they're thinking the same thing about me.

...someone once told me "you'd be surprised how little people actually think about you. so stop worrying."
i wish it were so easy.

There's words and then there's action.
--Rocco DeSpirito

indeed.

I'll know when my love comes along...

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

Ill get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

Ill miss you
Ill kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Ill need you
Ill feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you


.....it's like that.

Apparently I have two blogs?

And I've been posting in both. Who knew?

Here's my post for October 18, 2009.
******

I had to work today.
Sounds normal.
But isn't.
I had someone to cover this shift 3 days ago.
Because this is fall break, and I've been working the whole time, and needed today to do my homework, laundry and clean.
But my replacement isn't register trained.
So my managers said no.

I see it from all sides, so I understand their side.
But I also understand mine, in that I haven't been on a register in months.
And when I walked in, a great percentage of everyone there was register trained.

My anger was justified when I never was called onto register in my 4 hour shift.

However. God really blessed me today.
While at work, I got to catch up with a good friend, Sarah, who I work with AND she's in my outer circle of friends- the ones I don't get to see often, but are really really good people. We planned a baking night for this week. :)
I also got a visit from Tessa and Ellen, who excited me SO much, since it allowed me to get some frustration out about my student teaching placement, and we got to plan a Girl's Night for Friday. :)
Then, I saw Mina! We decided to plan a fun night, too.

I prayed God would introduce great people into my life, and He's started doing just that.
I told Him my worries about how I feel I've been paying for my friends for 5 years, and I'm worried that if my chapter folds, I won't have any friends.
How great is He.

I think I've decided Nate is a keeper.
More to come on this subject, I'm sure...
:)


___________________________________________________________________




Here's my post for October 20, 2009
******

Here's the thing.
It's short.

But he's a keeper.

And here's why.
....I paid off a credit card. I wanted to tell him first.
....I took my cat to the vet, and I wanted him to be there, because my cat is like our kid....He wanted me to call him immediately to hear what the Vet said.
....We talk with cavalier attitudes about weddings, forevers, houses, carreers, what I'll do when I go to Colorado.


When. :) Not if.
Next to my mom, he's the first person I told when I got an email from the horn professor at the University of Colorado.
And he said, "Baby, that's awesome!"
He didn't say "Colorado... that's far."
He said, baby. that's awesome.

He is my peace.
He is my joy.
He is my sunshine.
He is my laughter.
He is my happiness.

And I could spend my forever waking up next to him.

And that, my friends... is an incredible feeling.

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

Hmm....Indeed...

I'm sick.
Again.
Nate, precious honey, gave me the stomach flu.
Luckily I don't love him any less.
AND he brought me a care package. <3<3<3
Last night, after I got sick, and consequently ruined our date night, he brought me 2 things of SunnyD, 2 things of Sprite, and a box of Saltines.
He's wonderful.
I'm a very very lucky girl.


So, this weekend we have a Saturday off together.
And I'm suggesting we get out of town.
He likes this idea.
And I'm glad.
So, I'm thinking a few places. I had to ask for opinions/suggestions... because I was clueless.
We can't do the bed and breakfast thing, because our parents wouldn't be kosher..
So a day trip would be nice.

Maybe, Oklahoma City, Lake of the Ozarks, Eureka Springs AR.... we shall see i suppose!

I'm gonna start another movie :( Sigh.
I hate being sick.

Girls are dumb.
Know why?
Because when gossip-mongering, they can't keep stories straight.
They involve blatantly honest, very investigative people in their circle of crap... and they think they can get away with it.

I'm too old for high school girl drama.

And I'm getting really really really REALLY tired of it.

so there.

All We Can Do Is Keep Breathing

I'm sitting in front of my desk, waiting for something profound to come to me. Something amazing to fill the first entry of this shiny new "grown up" blog.
But I have no profound thoughts today.

I view this blog as a stepping stone.
Something new past livejournal and xanga. Something else. Something I can actually write in, and I can escape drama, an outlet, a place to write.


I'm 24 years old. I have to get past that stage in life where girls are drama and trouble and we can't trust each other.

I'm struggling with it all.

However, this year, I've taken steps to do just that. Signed up for my last classes for my Bachelors. I've maintained a healthy relationship for 5 months thus far. I've paid off one of two credit cards. I've begun seriously considering life outside of this vacuum called "college." It's just, I get 3 steps forward and I get knocked back that many steps or more.

I don't care to be politically correct or god forbid, trodding on glass in this blog like I did xangaland. So, I'll be candid. I'll be honest. I'll be open.
Because I haven't been able to be those things in a very long time.

This is my sixth year in college. And I hate it. I hate that it's my sixth year. I hate that I'm still in college, that I haven't graduated, made my way into the world to make my family proud, etc etc etc. But, i still STILL don't know what I want to do.

This is my fourth Major.
Freshman year: Music Performance, English Ed
Sophomore: Music Performace, History Ed
Junior: Music Ed
Senior, Super Senior, ...super super senior...: Music Ed.

I hate my degree program. I hate the education department. And I hate my teachers. (Except my lessons teacher- who is awesome.)
But I guess it won't matter if I fail out...

Right now, I'm having a dispute with one of my professors about whether or not I'm dishonest.
Not academically, but honest. If I'm telling the truth in life.
Truly. This is the dispute.

Our disagreement is that I hold my point at I got faulty information via word-of-mouth from his GA about my ePortfolio ("Just makes sure your files are updated and you should be fine). He says there were too many opportunities to get the list of requirements for the portfolio for my claim to be honest. Therefore, I must be dishonest.

If there's one thing in life I hate the most, it's being called a liar.

I'm struggling even more with this situation, because of my position of President in my fraternal organization.
We're under suspension right now for some seriously heavy stuff, because a few girls lashed out instead of taking their light and deserved punishment.
Now the Chapter is in jeopardy.
And to make matters worse, myself, as president, and a few other girls could face some sort of criminal charges for hosting a party at which we sold shots.

If I have selling liquor without a license charges and buying for minors charges- I'll probably be dropped from the program anyway.

I'm struggling.
And I don't know what to do anymore.
Everything is so convoluted, and I'm lost.

To make matters worse, I keep praying.
Sometimes, randomly, I'll feel a sense of peace, driving in the rain, or in the silence of a library.
I always feel God at the lake.
Side story.. After my meeting with Student Conduct, I was feeling particularly down. So, Nate took me on a long drive- our favorite thing. And he drove me out to Lake Springfield- my favorite place. We walked out to the little covered dock.. after a few minutes- it started pouring. The roof to the dock is tin. It was music. A symphony. And all I could do was laugh.

I hate that a laugh or a smile feels so foreign on my face.
I hate that I know the appropriate times to smile and the appropriate times to laugh, so I oblige. And I'm getting so good at faking- that a genuine smile or laugh feels strange.

I miss feeling passion for God.

To be frank, I miss feeling passion for anything.

I'm planning this elaborate future- but for what.
The only thing I see in my future is Nathan. And I'm praying that I don't scare him away with my hard-to-control emotions, and my possible expulsion from the University for something that every Greek organization participates in....

I'm in the wrong.
I've dug a hole.
And i'm praying that I can rescue everyone else- instead of myself.

That sounds so... pathetic, really.
It sounds like I'm trying to make myself a martyr.
But I'm not.

I'm the president so I should take the blame.
I should jump in front of the bus.
And at least try to save the group of people behind me....

Sigh.


Currently Listening To: Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
You Tube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSRdGe_-WFo&feature=related