RDW - on feeling feelings.

I'm having to face my bitterness and my anger and my fear now that I have nothing to fall back on (see also: food, beer and smokes).
It's not fun.
Sometimes I feel very crab-ass and reclusive. My poor roommate gets the blunt end of things.. I feel real bad for being suck a dick all the time.
And sometimes I'm quiet... Because I think I have nothing interesting to say.
(I really wish I could say this was not a consequence of being with the ex for a year plus.. But it is. It wasn't a bad relationship, per se, but his friends did know how to make me feel stupid or bitchy or.. whatever. So I learned to keep my mouth shut. How fucked up is that.)

So, here's the thing- I'm starting to lose my fear on the track. I'm starting to hit like I should, and skate like I should.. My form is getting better, my muscles are getting strong.. But outside the rink, I'm not a tiger anymore- I'm a kitten. Which is real lame.
I need to find out how to transfer Rink Tiger to Life Kitten. Because I'm not a puss. I am not a quitter, and I am not a weenie.

I read Malice Munroe's latest tumblr post... It was incredible, and it really summed up a lot of not-quite-new-anymore-but-still-a-rookie feelings- which seem to be a lot of my own feelings.
http://malicemunro.tumblr.com/post/2838658547/slightly-drunk-personal-post-on-derby-feel-free-to

Hm.
I really should be doing my homework right now. Or eating breakfast. or getting dressed...
It snowed here, and I'm not excited about it.
I'm certainly not excited about walking to campus- a walk which should take 5-10 minutes will most certainly take at least 30 today because I'll have my bag and my horn, and I'll have to cross National with all the idiots on the road today...

I've been listening to a lot of Jack's Mannequin today. Perfect music for the weather. (Who am I kidding? It's perfect music for all weather..)
"being poor was never better"


I really need to get back on the wagon of not snacking. That's my downfall.
Especially since I've only lost like, 3 pounds.
Patience, patience. What a difficult concept!
I'm feeling stronger, just not lighter.



asefajsdfjs. I really need to go to my homework for Counterpoint.
LAME.

How are you doing with the RDW?
Seeing any difference/improvement?
:)


xox.