This is hateful. But I am very bitter, still.

So.

Fuck all these new marriages.
Yay, I'm so happy you're starting lives blahblahblah.
But I'm not really.
Because I wanted it to be me.
I wanted to be planning my wedding- Halloween time, service a little before sunset so we can take photos with the perfect light, fall colors, knowing the perfect song to walk down the isle to, The Darkness pronouncing us husband and wife....

But I'm not.

I wanted a life with him.
And I still do.
And I want to hate him.
But I can't.
Because he has always been an incredible person, a wonderful friend and a really great boyfriend.

I can't help but feeling that I was the crazy girl in NFG's song 'my friends over you'... I was busy making plans and not talking to him about it, pretending that it was perfectly normal.

I still love him, and fucking hate it.
I HATE it.
It makes my heart hurt so much.
I want him, and he doesn't want me back.

Some things never change, I guess.