I'm going to join the Springfield roller derby league.
Tessa is interested too.
And maybe Sheila.
And maybe Shannon.
And maybe another girl named Robyn.
By all rights, we could start our own team.
But before that happens, I'd really like some experience. haha....
I haven't found a derby name yet, but it's going to be incredible.
I need this.
After coming back from jordan, I felt unstoppable. I felt like I could do anything. I was fearless.
And unfortunately, who could put the fear back in a woman? Who makes a woman doubt herself? Who makes a woman stopable? A man, of course.
Or rather, in my situation.. a boy.
And that is entirely unacceptable to me.
so. I'm going to do something about it.
I'll have to work really hard with my classes and switch around my work schedule... But, that's fine.
My self worth is worth more than not trying.
Sometimes it feels like I can't breathe.
I get to thinking... and thinking leads to panic attacks.
And then I freak out over nothing.
I'm currently having a panic attack over the fact that my landlord did not call me back today. And that I still don't have my financial aid money in. AND if I can't get hours at work, then I can make money for the deposit/rent and I can't move in and I'll continue to be homeless.
HOWEVER.
This little homeless endeavor is really helping me become friends with people I never thought I would!
Which is delightful.
I met a lot of lovely people last night. Some were wasted and hugged me without prompting [people whom none of us knew, they just wanted to give hugs] and then there were the people who weren't wasted and still gave hugs when introduced to me. LOVELY people.
Last night was an adventure.
And I needed it.
The band played a few Rage Against the Machine songs, and I needed that 15 minutes of raging in a group of strangers (and tessa). Sweaty and yelling song lyrics and thrashing...
Incredible.
hm.
in other news... there IS no other news.
I had a bit of a breakdown today, thinking about Nate possibly falling in love with someone else, or fucking someone else while we're together, or anything else with another girl, really. (Damn you, grey's anatomy.)
And I started to cry and then I would stop. And then every like... 5 minutes I would start crying again.
That bastard.
He doesn't deserve any tears.
I know he wants me to do the dirty work, but I'm not going to do it. I am NOT going to give him or his stupid fucking brothers that benefit.
And speaking of brothers... WHAT brotherhood.
Those boys haven't known brother hood since.... fuck, ever?
I have watched them fuck each other's girlfriends- then call HER a slut.
I have seen them literally first fight while rolling around in a backyard, then hug afterwards.
I have seen them in each other's faces screaming at each other.
I have heard them gossip like school girls about one another.
I have seen them stomp away from a discussion like 4 year olds.
WHAT BROTHERHOOD.
What a monumental waste of time.
Okay, maybe not a waste of time... but a waste of life.
What are they doing?
See, I can drink AND have quality friends.
It's AWESOME.
Getting booted from SAI and from my department were the best things that ever happened to me.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone?
hahaaa indeed.
Yes I can.
What a crock of HORSESHIT.
I'm just being bitter and that's fucking fine. I can be positive tomorrow. (thanks, grey's anatomy.)
But seriously.
I was facebook stalking today, and I had to get off the computer and go take a shower because I was getting SO furious.
Little sluts who think they know a thing or two about Sinfonia. (when I'm not bitching, I know a thing or two. And yes, when I'm not bitching, I respect their stupid fraternity bullshit.)
Little sluts shaped like refrigerators wearing make up bad for their skin tone and carrying coach purses like they could afford them on their own if mommy and daddy suddenly cut them off.
Stupid sluts who cheat on their boyfriends.
(Stupid boys who take them back but that's neither here nor there.)
Stupid sluts who used to be 'friends' and text other girls boyfriends.
Those ugly little mean girls wouldn't know the meaning of the word friend if it slapped them in the mouth like a porn cock.
(because to me, coming from you, friend is a 4 letter word.)
I have been drunk every night this week.
And it has been awesome.
because I have been with good people, drinking good stuff, having a DAMN good time.
And fuck YOU, Nate, for avoiding everything that used to be important to you.
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
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