It's true what they say... everything always looks better in the morning.
(After some tylenol pm and 10 hours of sleep in one night, after only getting 10 hours of sleep in 4 days.)

I'm still confused, mostly.
And pissed off. And hurt. And upset.
Sure, i'm those things. And what girlfriend in her right mind wouldn't be?

The rumors are really eating at me, but I don't know how to bring them up without ruining a friendship between me and PartyX, or Him and PartyX.... But I want to choose to trust Him.
And a friend who has lied to me once, will lie again.
He has never lied before. And I trust him. He's never done anything to hurt me before, never done anything with malicious intent.
So, why should I believe anyone who follows up their negative statements about Him with "I for real love you. Please come see me."
No. Thank you. I'd rather not.
Because while I don't want to be the girl who sits and wonders if anything did or didn't happen between Him and some dirty tart (that I thought was my friend)- I also don't want to be the girl who cuts and runs on the best relationship I've ever had.
Who cuts and runs on someone who makes my insides go all jello-y. Who makes me smile and giggle EVERY time I get a text from him. Who, when he hugs me, I forget everything else in the world except for that moment. Who dance with me in the kitchen.
And no one else has EVER made me feel that way, especially after this long.
There is something about him that makes me want to keep fighting for this.

Maybe my feelings are bullshit.
But maybe they're not.

But he's going to have to try a lot harder to get rid of me, if that's what he wants to do.

I'm just really hoping this is not a "i want to get wasted and fuck sluts" phase.
Because if it is, I'll be gone faster than he can turn his head.
And by gone I mean, out of the state, gone to another school, sold all my stuff, moved away.
I will do it and I won't hesitate.
Because the people I want to see, I can see.
And my family, well, they can have me at holidays just like normal.

I hate to plan for the worst... but what else can I do.
I hope for the best and expect the worst and that's what good ol' Missouri State has taught me.

However.
Jordan taught me, leave it up to Allah's will, have some tea, and if it doesn't happen, make a new plan.
I love Jordan.
I might save my pennies for another dig next summer.

On that note...