I had a strange and sad dream.

It was after the labor day parade, and we were all camped out at my house (which, I apparently owned?).... I also had dogs.
But suddenly, Nate showed up.
But my mom announced his presence like "Melanie, you have a visitor."
He followed me around the house and made a nuisance of himself until I stopped and listened to whatever he was saying.
But then I tried to punch him in the face, and couldn't. Like, I couldn't get enough speed or oomph, and every time I tried, he just ducked away.
But then he got on his knees in front of everyone to be for forgiveness and a second chance, etc etc etc and I was so, so embarrassed.
And then I woke up.

And I was sad.
Because I can try to convince myself that I miss the "us" and I don't miss him... but that's not true yet.
I do miss the "us"... but I miss it with him.
On nights like tonight, I really just want to sit on his stupid couch and play Fable or listen to the boys banter or whatever.

I don't need that validation to know I'm pretty or awesome or fun to be around- I know that I am all of those things.
But it sure was nice to have it then.

I really want to stop writing about him and thinking about him.. .but then the sneaky bastard shows up in my dreams.

I want it to be over, but it won't be for a long, long time.