fuckfuckfuckfuck.

One step forward, two steps back.
I need to be busier so I can avoid moments like this when I'm sitting around waiting for a text, or an email, and being disappointed because I'm not getting either.

I need more distraction, because it's starting to get pathetic that I'm still hanging on.
I have this pathetic hope that if I just keep him in my repertoire, that he'll change his mind, and I'll be his lady again.

Which... sucks.
Because I don't even necessarily want to be HIS. He didn't know how to be a good boyfriend in the first place.
And that's what sucks about being someone's first serious girlfriend.

I'm ready for that next step in life.
For a job and for marriage and puppies...

But clearly, God thinks I'm not.
Whatever that means.

My head hurts.