I had my follow-up appointment with my Ortho today. I had originally schedule the appointment with an ortho surgeon that my derby wife (AKA Thugz N Kissez) works with on the surgical floor... However, when I got to my appointment, it was with another Ortho (not a surgeon...)..
He actually ended up being really rad and the Wife and I were able to talk about derby for a little bit. He thought Alice the Hematoma was incredible, and very pretty. :)
He squished around, poked and prodded, and eventually said, "Okay, you have two options- you can let it ride, and be aggressive with ice and elevation and bracing, or we can drain it and give you a cortisone shot."
He could see the hesitation on my face, so he said the wifey and I could have a chance to chat about it, and he left the room... I then allowed her to tell me what to do, since I am A, irresponsible, B, a scaredy cat, and C, hesitant when someone suggests shoving a giant needle under my kneecap.
He was incredibly jazzed when I told him I would allow him to shove steel into my knee. (I'm fairly certain he just wanted to see the junk he could pull out.. heh..)
So, he came in with two nurses, and the wife documented the ordeal with photos which I hope she'll post somewhere so I can share them here with you- I know I was making really stellar faces during the impromptu procedure. :)
He rubbed me down with iodine (kinky? sigh... I wish. He was a FOX.), and then stuck me a few times with a numbing agent.
Then jabbed me with a needle that resembled something out of a science-fiction film.
He proceeded to jab and suction and jab and suction.. Homeboy was trying REALLY hard to get something - anything - to come out. His hands were red, and his muscles were a-shakin'... He happened to mutter "Shit, this hurts my hands!" and when nothing came out on the third or fourth try "SHIT." Which, of course, made me laugh. :)
We were all a little disappointed that congealed blood, reminiscent of grape jelly, did not come slithering out of my knee cap.
However, THANKFULLY, he unscrewed the plastic syringe contraption and screwed on a tinier version to squish the cortisone in- instead of stabbing me again. :)
This was much appreciated.
However, a cortisone shot was, and excuse my language, the weirdest fucking feeling I think I've experienced. It was thick and made my knee feel very, very full and taut.
Once it was over, he shook our hands and went to leave- but the wifey had made $80 brownies for the surgeon we expected to see, and gave my Ortho one. (Which, um, might've been the best brownie I've had in ages- and I'm a BAKER. Incredible. I chose a great wifey!)
After he had the brownie in hand, he left the room, but about 4 seconds after, poked his head in the door, and in an almost-whisper asked, "Do you want more pain meds?"
Um... is this a trick question?
The downside to this whole lovely experience was seeing the cashier. I never have an issue with the whole unemployed (because my manager was sexually harassing me and wouldn't stop calling me a lesbian once she found out I play roller derby... (and really, lady, I've been called worse. "Lesbian" is the most creative thing you could come up with??)), no insurance scenario until I have to talk to grown ups about grown up things like how much money I owe the hospital when I know I only have $50 in my bank account... (41.99 of which I spent on my pills...)
Thank God for the wife, again, for being a more responsible, attentive grown up than me.. I was so overwhelmed with giant needles and foxy doctors and numbers and figures.. Everything got lost in translation.
My wonderful parents came to the rescue and gave me a loan so I could get a percentage off my bill by paying the day-of the appointment. Thank God for my parents- I really am a lucky girl for having such caring, generous, wonderful, loving parents. They really really saved the day.
So. I filled my Hydro prescription, went home and felt sorry for myself since I was broke and broken.. Then I applied for some jobs. Because I need one ASAP.
Preferably one with insurance, but definitely one that pays decently.
This post is very rambly... I blame it on the narcotics.
I also attended practice tonight. It made my heart ache, but also made my heart glad to see that my teammates of the Battle Broads, and the ladies of the Rowdy Unrostered are improving by leaps and bounds. I'm so sad I'm not on the track with them, but I know that for the bouts coming up, we have some really stellar ladies fighting for our B-team rankings. :)
We even joked about taking an SRG Crips photo full of awesome-sauce and blue bandanas, as there were 4 injured ladies on one bench, watching the practices.
Maybe I'm broke... and maybe I'm broken.. and maybe I broke Sandra Day O'Slaughter's car window on accident... But I am literally forced to count my blessings for having such amazing people and experiences in my life.
And now, it's 5:10am and I am exhausted.. I must rest and prepare myself for Unemployed Lunch Friday... Where Molotov Coqtiz will be paying for my orange soda. We might all be unemployed (or on our lunch breaks...), but we sure know how to take care of each other.
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