We apologize a lot.
We apologize for stupid things, non-stupid things, real things, silly fake things... We apologize a lot.
I wonder if that's normal.. Saying "I'm sorry" so often.

I worry a lot, usually about ridiculous things.
But I wonder if ridiculous things are actually real things before they grow up, before they develop.
I worry we'll run out of things to talk about. I worry we'll stop having fun. I worry we'll lose the spark. I worry that snoring will cease to be cute, and start being annoying, and I'll want to punch you in the face. I worry that you wont think I'm cute, or pretty anymore, or you'll find someone else more attractive than me.
I worry that my insecurities will get the best of me.

I am not worried, though... that you will run away because of my insecurities. Because I apologize. Because you apologize. Because I worry. Because I worry that you get jealous, so I downplay all my friendships with males so you won't think them important to me, when they actually are.

I worry that this isn't real. This isn't it.
I wonder if people in relationships actually worry and wonder as much as I do... Or think "is this it?" Because women always say, "when you know, you know."
What happens when it's "sometimes I know, and other times, I want to sell you to the mafia, because you are driving me insane, and I can't get anything accomplished with you around, and this is not it."

How does one know 'normal.'
Yes, normal is relative... Especially in relationships.
But after 10 months, shouldn't there be a constant? A normalcy?

My constant, I suppose is the good morning/night text messages when I'm not sleeping next to you.
The three/four kisses before we actually say goodbye.
Knowing I will always get a text from you, if I don't text you first.
That if I don't have money, or time to eat- you take care of me, because "we take care of each other. that's just what we do."
Knowing that if you knew I were writing this, and crying at the last statement, you would laugh, because you'd think it were cute.

Okay, so, maybe there's a constant. And maybe I just get scared that because I have crazy mood swings and my blood sugar is an issue and my attitude isn't always the sunniest... that you're going to find someone who's always sunny, and always stable...

I get angry, and irritated at you, because you make me feel like certain behaviors are okay, when they're not.
Like, not getting my homework done, or doing everything with mediocrity, or not getting enough sleep, or eating fast food all the time... or, whatever frat boy habits you have... you make me think that you don't know better.

And I know you're younger than me.
And I'm fairly certain that your mediocrity with school work is rebellion against your hard-ass dad.. which is understandable.
I should have more patience with you. Because everything you're going through, I've seen. Maybe I haven't been through it, but I've seen it.
And you should have more understanding with me. I need motivation and encouragement. That's just me. That's how I do.

I need you, too, though.
And maybe I want to sell you the mob sometimes.
But I also love you all the time...

Maybe that is my constant.