A few days apart was good for us, I think.
Or, I hope.

I think my biggest issue right now is that I don't feel needed.
I feel like a toy that can be picked up and played with once in a while- but when I'm just around to watch tv, I feel like an obligation, or a burden.
I really don't like to feel that way.

I'm considering giving him the link to this journal.
But even just considering that is making me double think everything I write.
He would be the only person in the world to have the link.
To know who I am, and to read with that knowledge.
Except for maybe E.... who, also has a blog, and I follow hers whilst she's across the ocean.
I rather like the anonymity...

In other news.
I'm desperately searching for an apartment.
All the ones I care to look at/live in are A, far away from campus or B, far out of my price range. I'd prefer not to pay more than $400 a month.
Apartments in Springfield are more around $500 and $600 a month. SIGH.
the ones in my price range are near campus, but I fear, rather shitty.

My plan was to see where the boy and his roommate are going to live next year.
But they haven't even started looking.
So, to plan my living arrangements around ones that aren't even plans to make plans yet.... was a mistake.

I'm being rather hateful today.
And you know... me being a jerkface is half the problem.
I'm sure he's getting really tired of deciphering my moods and attitudes...

Which I'm sure makes him tired.
And it makes me tired that he's tired.

And that's why we are where we are.
That's how we got here.
He's a dick, and I'm a dick and we haven't learned how to be dicks together.

I need some motivation today... I'm tired. And worn out. My weekend wasn't a weekend.