This, too, shall pass.

I'm forcing myself to write this so I can be reminded why life doesn't suck that bad:
-I have a place to live.
-I have food, even if it is ramen.
-I have clean water. (I spent all last summer in a third world country where we had to buy bottled water everyday - this is a big deal.)
-I have a car (even though it has no gas... Someone should give me new tires for my bike... lol)
-I'm finishing my education even though I've had to jump through a lot of hoops to do it.
-I am literate, I have the opportunity to get education, in this country, as a women.
-My family is full of incredible people.
-My extended-not-blood-related family is full of incredible people.
-I am healthy and I am young.
-I have people in my life that will provide me with help/support if I just ask for it.

On the not-so-bright side...here's the story.
This week (well.. yesterday) I found out that it's 99% sure I will not graduate this summer, like I'd planned.
I've been in school for SEVEN years. Seven.
Some things have happened to keep me in school - but that's neither here nor there, and I've already blogged about it anyway...
The length is not the important part - it's that I had light at the end of the tunnel - I had planned my last semester with my Advisor AND the department secretary to ensure THREE times over that I had all my credits taken care of.
Somehow the 3 of us missed a class. I literally have NO Idea how.
I spoke with the Dept Head. She said there was nothing she could do.
I emailed the registrar - they said there has to be somehow to waive or get around it, and to contact my dept head.
I emailed the secretary instead - she loves me and is a TCB kind of lady.
She said she would look into it, and see what she could do.
I almost cried with relief.
But I won't get my hopes up.
I'm hoping for the best, but won't be surprised with the worse.
See, because of the University, I've become extremely good at creating Plan B's all the time.
Make a plan - assume it will fall through because the school sucks - create Plan B.
(Someone is going to google "Plan B" and find my blog, I'm sure of it. lol)
My Plan B is: Meet with the Dept Head, see if I can student teach and graduate with two degrees, instead of one. If I have to take ONE class in the fall, I'm gonna make it worth it.
Plan C (yes, I have one)... Take the class at MSU, begin culinary classes at OTC.
Plan D (yes... I have one)... take the class, get a full time job. (Granted, the job will be a given. I'm getting one, dang it.)
So, I've done as much as I could to fix that situation. Whatever happens happens, and I have to ride the wave.

In other news, I still do not have a job... My student loan money was $1,000 less than they said it was going to be - therefore, it did not even cover my student bill. Which means my gas tank will remain empty for a while longer, and I will continue to munch on ramen.

However, the worst parts about that loan money include not being able to pay for my dues/bout planning stuff this month, and, Rollercon. My plane ticket is paid for, my MVP pass is paid for... but alas, I don't have the monies to feed or enjoy myself while IN Vegas.

And what breaks my heart even further is that if I can't get my shit together, and if things don't start going better.. There's a big fat chance I might have to quit derby altogether.

Don't worry. I've already had a break down about that very option.
It's just that sometimes even derby girls have to make decisions that are fiscally responsible, and are, maybe, just maybe, not in the best interest of their derby careers.

But I've never been called responsible... and I can't bring myself to do it - I can't quit derby.
Derby has saved me - and continues to save me every single day.
Leaving derby would be like leaving a lover, a best friend, a church, a symphony.
Leaving derby would rip out my heart. It would tear away the faith (in humanity, in myself, in a higher power/religion, in women, in men, in life) I've regained.
Leaving derby would break me more than I've ever been broken - and trust me, I'm no stranger to breaking.


See, here's the thing. We all joke about quarter-life crisises... crises? crisis?
But it's not a joke.
When did the decade of our 20s become the most difficult one?
The time when you're fresh out of college (you, not me...hahaa), looking for a job, in limbo about everything... It's hard.
It's a strange in-between of being a kid and being an adult.. People telling you that you're too young, you're too old, you're not experienced, you're too experienced, you don't have enough credentials, you have too many credentials....

My plans have changed a lot.
When I was in high school, with my high school sweetheart, we decided we'd get married when I was a first year teacher, so that when he graduated I could help put him through law school. We broke up. lol
When I was in college, I planned on a 4 year double major.. but changed my mind. Did I really want to teach english? Or history? Or poetry? Or did I want to be a photographer? My path changed. It took this long to discover I want to be a baker.
Later in college, I fell madly in love with The Ex. We discussed our future, and what kind of house we wanted to buy, we decided on an October wedding.. We broke up.
What's meant to be will be, nothing more, nothing less.

I was supposed to be married.. a house owner... white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a cat and a dog... Full time job, insurance, new car, monies to pay bills...

But shit changes. People change. Plans go awry. And that's life.
If The Ex taught me one thing it was that you just have to ride the wave and enjoy life. (Granted, I think he drinks a lot now....? I guess he really is riding the wave... hahaaa Oh well. Not my problem anymore.)
Maybe that's how we get past our Quarter Life Crisis... maybe we just weather the storm with good people around us and hope that it ends soon....

So, I will put my big girl panties on again, and I will pull up my boot straps and I will stop being a wiener, and I'll get on with it.

I will finish the work I'm currently doing for Jailhouse Jenny, and I will finish touching up my resume, and I will apply for more jobs.
Someone will hire me.
Things will look up.
This, too, shall pass.