I want it.
I want that.. electric feeling when I think of him, or when he touches me or kisses me.
I want that fire in my heart.
I want IT again with someone.

I had it with him.
I saw our future- he constantly brought it up in conversation, so i couldn't help but see it, or think about it.
When you say you're saving for a ring, and you talk about wedding plans, and our families couldn't be happier...
He was the only one who made me think about marriage and babies and white picket fences- while still thinking about my career and my schooling.
Such a conflict of interests.. but it worked.

I think the reason that I'm having a hard time letting go is remembering shit.
It's so lame, but watching Save the Last Dance, Derek asks Sarah "what do you want?" (as in, does she still want to dance?)
Nate was like that.
And now, I have to ask myself, because I don't have someone watching over me, reminding me that I get carried away in the mundane and forget about my passions.

Thinking about those kinds of things made me remember when we would snuggle on the couch and plan the house we were going to build together.
We always planned these elaborate giant music studios. His being full of drums and drummy equipment... Mine being sound proof and acoustically sound for my horn playing..

It's the little memories now that sneak up on me.

I'm healing, I'm moving on.
But those moments sneak up on me.

It's getting better.