There is a hummingbird in her chest.

On my days off, I sit on my couch and read articles about up-coming politicians, articles about injustices that shouldn't happen in America, the land of the free, articles about lesbian couples who lose their baby because the hospital they attended wouldn't recognize the couple's rights as a domestic partnership.

On my days off, I sit on my couch and cry, because my heart breaks for this country. For the future.
It probably doesn't help, at all, that I'm also listening to Andrea Gibson, whose views mirror mine.

I live in what I consider to be the most conservative, Bible-thumping, anti-liberal, anti-gay, pro slut/gay/atheist-shaming town in America, and it's starting to wear on me.

The other night, I attended the City Council meeting for the first reading of the non-discrimination policy.
I had decided that while I was in Springfield, I was going to help inspire change, instead of complaining about the bigots and the religious crazies and the fundies and all the awful humans who compare those in the LGBT community as "coke addicts", "perverts and pedophiles" and other such ridiculous insults.

Some days, that's easier to say than to do.

I really hesitated on whether or not to write this post, because my own thoughts are still a little jumbled.
There were really awful things said, but for every horrible statement, there was at least one positive statement.
It wasn't an overwhelming majority, but according to the City of Springfield twitter account, 36 speakers were in favor, 27 against, and 13 still in the queue to speak at the next meeting. (But according to KSPR, the numbers were a little different...)

Considering the way I just described this town, this is very exciting news.

The opposition said several times that this ordinance is unnecessary because LGBT people in Springfield are not discriminated against; that there were no cases reported, no stats or numbers on which to rely.
Supporters said time after time that LGBT people in Springfield have no place to go after having been discriminated against because there's no protections, no ordinances set in place to protect those Springfield citizens.

I know for a fact that the belief of the opposition is incorrect.
Because I'm one of those LGBT kids who've been hated, harassed, heckled and discriminated against in the workplace.

It was before I came out.
I was still the Q in LGBTQ.
I was still trying to be straight, and praying to God that my feelings for girls would go away.
I was working at the mall - a job I'd had for almost five years when I quit. It was a part time job to get me through college.
I had seen management come and go, I'd seen other employees come and go - though the ones that stuck around were other LGBTQ kids. There were at least 4 of us.

As management changed, the store changed - sometimes for the better, and at the end, for the worse.
One night, a girl from my roller derby league came into the store.. It was just before Christmas and we were open for 24 hours. I was working 3rd shift. 10pm to 6am, I believe.
She was drunk, and with her boyfriend. She marched directly up to my manager, who I'll refer to as K, and asked "Where's my wife!"
(.....For those of you who don't know, in roller derby, we have wives. It's merely another title for a derby best friend. Someone who'd cut you off when you'd accepted too many shots, and someone who could say "You're skating like shit tonight" without hurting your feelings.)

Eventually my friend found me on her own, after K was rude to her.
My pal had brought me ice cream. It was delicious at 1am.

Later that night, in the back room with all the employees, K asked, and I quote "You play roller derby?"
I responded "Yes. I do."
With a snarl and sarcasm in her voice she said "I didn't know you were a lesbian."
I said "I'm not."
She said "So why'd that girl call you her wife?"
...I then explained derby wives.
She nodded a little, and walked away.

And that's what I thought would be the end of things.
On the contrary, it was the beginning.

I found out a few days later that after my friend had referred to me as her wife, K had asked one of my co-workers (and friends outside of work) if I was gay.
The co-worker responded that I'm straight, and not gay... K responded back "Whatever. I always thought she was gay anyway."

The amount comments K would make to other people behind my back about my sexuality were unnecessary and uncalled for, and extremely unprofessional.
No, correction. The fact that she asked about my sexuality at all was unprofessional.
The fact that she even asked about my sexuality at all, as if it had anything to do with her job as manager, or my job as an associate, was unprofessional.

My hours started to diminish.
I needed at least 20 a week in order to pay my bills as a student; K knew this.
I began getting 4 hours a week.

I decided to speak with the other LGBTQ kids at work, to see if they'd experienced anything similar with K.
I wasn't surprised when they all said yes.
Cut hours, derogatory remarks made to their faces and behind their backs....
When the merchandising manager (an LGBT boy) told me that K had said things like "Jesus, you look gay today" or "Your outfit is so gay" or other statements she would then laugh about and walk away... I decided enough was enough.

I contacted corporate HR with my complaints.
I wrote any email, expressing my desire to remain anonymous in my complaint, but that there were more people at work who would be happy to put their name on their complaint, but that I needed the job to continue going to school and paying my bills. I explained I did not dislike the company for which I worked, but I did not, and could not, approve of K's behavior, as it made me very uncomfortable.

If I'm being honest, I was sick of K's behavior. She was rude to associates and customers. She blatantly discriminated against the LGBT kids that worked for her. She was down right mean to everyone. I wanted her fired for her behavior, because there were several times she made me cry- sometimes in front of customers. I wanted her fired. It's an injustice to treat people like they're less-than.

The company is a branch of a large retail corporation that should have done something about this situation.

I actually spoke to the HR representative on the phone.
She was friendly, but unhelpful.
I never got to the bottom of the situation, considering things got so bad that I quit.
I have a very high tolerance for bullshit - I can put up with a lot.
But constant harassment, and fear, and anxiety about a part time job at the mall was not worth my health or self-worth.
I know for a fact that manager is still employed at the store, leaving me to believe that nothing happened. Nothing changed. There were no consequences for K after she bullied 4 LGBT kids.
All of whom have given up their jobs at that store, might I add.
Two were hired by another company.
The Merchandising Manager asked for a transfer to another store in another town.
Me? I'm doing just fine now. I have a great job with managers/bosses who love me, and don't care if I'm gay. They just care that I do a great job and I don't steal money.

My story is nothing compared to others.
Even Girlfriend's story is horrifying and eye-opening and unbelievable. Her story is so much worse than mine.

There are so many LGBT people who have these stories, but with no consequences, with no one to answer to, people can keep harassing and discriminating and being complete assholes to those with a different gender identity or sexual orientation.
And because there's no protection, why would anyone ever willingly recant their story to someone who very likely doesn't care about this LGBT plight?

This ordinance needs to pass in order to protect Springfield citizens.
This ordinance needs to pass so LGBT college kids will decide to stay in Springfield and help grow the economy.
This ordinance needs to pass so that I will have hope for good communities again.
This ordinance needs to pass so I won't feel, every single day, that I need to get out of here.

Springfield needs this to raise morale and the economy and honestly, to keep the diversity levels up.
It's not like there are an abundance of non-white people here. (Except for the Asian kids who attend MSU....) So, I mean... Springfield kind of needs a gay population. It's not like anyone else wants to live here right now....


Because the 3 hour time allotment was met, and because so many people did not get to speak, this topic has been carried over to another meeting.

Adam Crawford had this to say in the PFLAG Springfield page:

If you were not able to attend the city council meeting on the nondiscrimination ordinance last night, but would like to speak, you CAN still sign up to talk at the next city council meeting. They probably won't extend the public hearing to a third meeting, so if it goes over time again, then that's it; no more speakers. Therefore, you're strongly encouraged to sign up early with the City Clerk (417-864-1650). The 3 minute time limit still applies. If you've already spoken, you will not be allowed to be speak again.

The meeting will be Monday, August 27th @ 6:30pm, City Council chambers (830 N. Boonville). Please do so if you can. We need your support.


I'm angry, I'm sad... and I want to see some progress.

Patience has never been a virtue that I naturally possessed.