You look like a perfect fit

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THIS POST AND THE ODDLY COLORED/BACKGROUNDED TEXT.

Well. 

It's been a while. 

And now I'm trying to think of something meaningful and poignant to say, when in all actuality I should just come out and say it...

I'm gay.

Queer, if you will. (I wanna take it back- I love the word queer.)

I also quit derby.
And I came out as an Agnostic Theist. (today, actually. On facebook. Which is .... nothing, really.)
I have a job! (finally.)
I'm looking for a new job, and applied to one for which I'm likely super under-qualified. (that syntax was weird.... REGARDLESS. You get my point.)

So, let's get to each of these topics! 


1. The gayness... as if you haven't noticed yet. 

I don't want to focus this post on my life-long struggle with being closeted... So I won't.
But that's the truth. I can remember all the way back to childhood and knowing the way I felt was "wrong".... But I grew up in a Conservative Southern Baptist home, so it it what it is.
I'm not surprised at some of the reactions I've gotten. And that's fine. 

I can't say it's been easy, considering one of the most important people in my life won't really talk to me anymore and has since deleted me from facebook. 

So. It is what it is. No regrets! (yolo.....? nope. Still too soon. Worst trend ever.)

1a. girlfrieeeennnnnddddddddd. :)
Probably the most perfect human ever. Incredibly intelligent, beautiful, sparkling wit. She's giving, considerate, loving.... I could talk to her forever. She's perfect, honestly. We go together like peanut butter and jelly. (hahaha oh, cliches.) She makes me feel better constantly. She makes me happy. She makes my heart skip beats. I'm madly, madly in love. But seriously. We fit. And I'm so so glad I finally opened my mind to being out and happy and not caring about anyone else's opinion - because mine is the one that matters the most.


And if you can't live life happily, the way YOU want... life's not worth living. 

http://thinng.com/1599-beer-to-my-pizza-print

1b. I reallllllyyyyyyy want to cut my hair off. I'm over this in-between long and short business. 

But do I want to do the stereotypical baby dyke thing and cut all my hair off?

Yeah... I probably do. 

Even before I came out I wanted to cut my hair like Gennifer Goodwin. 

But now, I don't need to worry about "omg, will I look like a lesbian?"

Because that's okay if I do now.

The only downside is that Girlfriend loves my long hair. haha :) She's supportive in whatever I wanna do, but she does love my long hair.

2. Derby. 

Well.... I couldn't afford it. I got laid off from my paralegal job and couldn't pay for derby anymore. 

It just wasn't fair to my teammates that I kept coming to practice, but couldn't play in games or travel, because I wasn't paying my dues.

So, I quit.

I had every intention of going back to my home league....

And then I looked back on all the shit I put up with, and decided it wasn't worth it.

If I wanted to put up with a lot of shit, then I'd go to a bigger league, work harder to make the A Team, and going to regionals/nationals then.
It just wasn't worth it anymore. Lies, drama, rumors... I was over it. 

I still love all the girls, but that league just isn't for me anymore. 

So, I'm considering a rec-league/fun league/non WFTDA league in town so that I can go and play without a lot of pressure. 

I'm scared - I haven't had skates on my feet in months, and I stopped working out because I started working all the time. SO I know I'm hella out of shape. 

So there's the short of it. I won't go into anymore detail because I have nothing against the girls, in general, and I don't want to hurt their feelings anymore than some of them hurt mine.

3. So... I'm agnostic theistic. 

I've been studying and questioning and learning more about religion ever since I took religious studies courses and mythology classes.... And I just can't find much intellect within the religious community.

I don't get it.

It doesn't make sense.

There are so many translation errors within the Bible these days - which, if we're being honest, is because the Bible was written in a much different times. Actual words meant something different. ESPECIALLY words in greek, latin and hebrew. And if they are translated wrong, your interpretation of your 'holy word' is skewed. 

For example: 

http://atheist-overdose.tumblr.com/?q=Overdose248491

And this, too:

http://imonmyway-tohappiness.tumblr.com/post/27303999404/meandnothingless-got-a-problem-with-gay

I think that the scholarly study of the Bible is so interesting.

Makes me want to go back to school. haha (But alas, I wouldn't make any money in that, and I'd be in school for about a thousand years, give or take.)

So, uh... there's that. I'm sure I'll write more about it in the future.

4. I have a job!

I'm working at a fine wine/spirits/micro beer retail store.

I kind of love it and I kind of hate it all at the same time. 

I get to hang out around, purchase with a discount, and talk about booze all day long.

However, I was hired to work days, and some weekends.... And I'm actually working nights and most weekends. Which angers me.

I also found out yesterday that one of the guys who worked at the first Store moved up here to take this job... and he was promised the same thing, and like me, didn't get it. 

He's considering moving back home, and I don't blame him one bit. 

People are honestly dropping like flies.

We just hired a new lady, and I swear to all that is holy, I will quit if she gets to work the day shifts. 

4a. I'm looking for a new job!

I need more stability. I need to know that I'll constantly be full time, regardless of conversion rates or if we hire a billion new people. 

I also need benefits with my full time status. 

Because I like to go to the doctor and dentist and such. 

I like to know that I'll be able to go to the emergency room if I need to and not be charged $5,000 for an IV drip. 

So, I applied at a bank (Thanks, Elise), even if it IS part time, it'll be more stable than my current job already. I put up my profile on Care.com to see if I can get a nanny job. And last night, after a few beers, I decided to apply for the Communications Organizer job that PROMO has open. 

It sounds amazing, and would do everything in my power to learn quickly so that I could kick ass and take names for such an amazing cause. 

However, I fear I may be woefully under-qualified, which is sad. Because, damn... what a cool fucking job. 

So uh... yeah.

that's all I got for now.

http://howdyimran.tumblr.com/

PS - a big fatty thank you to the tumblr people from whom I stole gifs/pictures. Please don't hunt me down and kill me.... I'll get better about click-through links and giving you credit <3