My first day back to classes was pretty insane.
I woke up, showered, and went to the Ellis to audition for orchestra.
Then had class, class, work, class. Now I'm home, sigh!

The audition was better than expected, but I still played like I had been in the desert all summer long and not like I'd been in the practice room. haha
Which is to be expected, but whatevs- I'm going back to my home playing 4th horn. So that's sweet, I do love 4th horn.
However, I'm pretty bummed about it because I'm not sitting 2nd anymore. I'm not sitting next to RyRy.
AND I guess I'm just jealous because Staci and Deanna are both sitting ahead of me.
Staci, I think it's awesome. She kicked our asses.
But... they decided to split it differently this year, and instead of 1 and 2 playing 1 and 2 when the music calls for 2 horns, Q wants 1 and 3 to play it.
Which makes me kind of sad.
Not that I'd be playing the 2nd part anyway... but it just means Deanna is playing it. And, damnit, if that silly bitch doesn't get everything.
She didn't even know the Horn in C was in C until like, 20 minutes before her audition, which drives me CRAZY.
I transposed ALL of it and worked really hard at it.
Oh wells.
I should just be glad we have a really really killer section this year.

Class one: History of Western Philosophy
....should be very interesting. My teacher is hilarious and made penis jokes today. So that's promising.
However, everyone in my class knows everyone else and it seems I'm the odd duck out. It's going to take me out of my comfort zone, for sure, because in groups of 4, we have to facilitate the class discussion. But, it should be really interesting.

Class two: Latin.
Boring. She throws so much information out that I zoned out and stared out the window. It's my teacher from roman civ... she's so nervous when she teaches that her hands shake.
Which is fine... if you're teaching 5th graders. But not fine when you're teaching me. Because I get bored.

Work... was fine. I work with delightful people.

Then I left 10 minutes early, got taco bell and hauled ass back to campus where I had my women and religion course.
I like it a lot.
A lot a lot.
There's this group of 5 ladies who are auditing the course. They're all 60+.
They choose one class a semester to audit, then they all do it together.
I love it. It's beautiful.

Now I'm at home hoping these benadryls kick in because I have to work at 6am. Which sucks. A lot.
But hey, it's money and I'm hoping for a killer paycheck.... because I have to pay rent. harumph.
Being a grown up is no fun.

So now, I'm watching The Last Kiss and thinking of NFG lyrics that having been meaningful today...
I've been so emo... all I've wanted to do is tell Him about my day, my classes, how my audition was a let down, talk to him about how I'm worried about my mom's health and such... I just want to talk to him. Tell him how sorry I am, and how I've changed/how I'm changing, and just... be near him.
And then I start crying, because I know that can't happen, because he's changed so much for the worse, and I know I won't want to be around him without wishing he was the boy I used to know, instead of the frat boy he is now.

I don't want to hate him and I don't want him to hate me.
It just sucks. A lot.

In other news, I've been doing a lot of praying, a lot of talking to God, a lot of crying to God...
It's so strange, because I haven't been an avid pray-er in a long time.
But it feels good.
I really really want to tap into that part of me again, but I don't know how.
I don't know how to make the person I am now match the person I was or the person I would like to be.
I can't match "devout" and "bar hopper". I can't match "roller derby badass" and "church go-er."
I just don't know how to do it.

I guess first things first, I could try.

which makes me hear Yoda's voice 'do or do not, there is no try'... which makes me think of Drew and makes me mad. which... God, is there nothing sacred anymore? Everything reminds me of SOMEONE.

anyway.
tomorrow = work at 6am, intro to anthro at 9:30, greek civ at 11, orch at 3 and derby at 7. whew.
not quite as crazy as today, but close.
I need new bike tires stat so I can ride my bike instead of drive my car. I would get to class so much faster. Walking from the apartment to Strong takes like, 20 minutes. Which sucks in this heat.

yeah... I'ma go now.
reading and sleeping are calling.

Apparently I have two blogs?

And I've been posting in both. Who knew?

Here's my post for October 18, 2009.
******

I had to work today.
Sounds normal.
But isn't.
I had someone to cover this shift 3 days ago.
Because this is fall break, and I've been working the whole time, and needed today to do my homework, laundry and clean.
But my replacement isn't register trained.
So my managers said no.

I see it from all sides, so I understand their side.
But I also understand mine, in that I haven't been on a register in months.
And when I walked in, a great percentage of everyone there was register trained.

My anger was justified when I never was called onto register in my 4 hour shift.

However. God really blessed me today.
While at work, I got to catch up with a good friend, Sarah, who I work with AND she's in my outer circle of friends- the ones I don't get to see often, but are really really good people. We planned a baking night for this week. :)
I also got a visit from Tessa and Ellen, who excited me SO much, since it allowed me to get some frustration out about my student teaching placement, and we got to plan a Girl's Night for Friday. :)
Then, I saw Mina! We decided to plan a fun night, too.

I prayed God would introduce great people into my life, and He's started doing just that.
I told Him my worries about how I feel I've been paying for my friends for 5 years, and I'm worried that if my chapter folds, I won't have any friends.
How great is He.

I think I've decided Nate is a keeper.
More to come on this subject, I'm sure...
:)


___________________________________________________________________




Here's my post for October 20, 2009
******

Here's the thing.
It's short.

But he's a keeper.

And here's why.
....I paid off a credit card. I wanted to tell him first.
....I took my cat to the vet, and I wanted him to be there, because my cat is like our kid....He wanted me to call him immediately to hear what the Vet said.
....We talk with cavalier attitudes about weddings, forevers, houses, carreers, what I'll do when I go to Colorado.


When. :) Not if.
Next to my mom, he's the first person I told when I got an email from the horn professor at the University of Colorado.
And he said, "Baby, that's awesome!"
He didn't say "Colorado... that's far."
He said, baby. that's awesome.

He is my peace.
He is my joy.
He is my sunshine.
He is my laughter.
He is my happiness.

And I could spend my forever waking up next to him.

And that, my friends... is an incredible feeling.