I want so desperately to get over this.

But when we have the same social circles and he shows up unexpectedly.... It's difficult.
I made my bed tonight.
My stuff smells like him.
I almost lost it.

Instead of then, I decide to lose it now... Night time is the worst. I so miss hearing "goodnight beautiful" "goodnight handsome, I'll see you in the morning." "I'll be dreaming of you until then."
Every night for a year,

And now, I'm going to sleep in this bed all alone.
And my pillows and sheets and bed all smell like him.

How does one get back to being alone and being okay?

Today is just a particularly bad day.
My birthday is coming up...
I'm going to be 25 in about 24 hours, and more than anything, I just wanted to spend it with N.
And since that's not a possibility, I probably won't celebrate it at all.
Who wants to be 25? I certainly don't.

I've been a real Debbie Downer lately, and it's because of all this.
I don't want to admit it out loud that I'm not okay, and this is way harder than expected.
I don't want to admit it, because all the strong women around me never let on that they have issues or they hurt or they're sad.

I don't know which is easier... Pretending you're fine or being a mess.