It's becoming easier for me to say "someday, if i get married i'll...."
Like yesterday, when I had to call and visit several bridal shops looking for a dress for the formal.
I called my mom and had to report on all of them "I really liked this one- I think if I get married, I'll come back here."
etc etc etc.

I'm gonna marry that boy.

A few nights ago, he drank a lot at a party, and when I was driving us through Taco Bell, I mentioned keeping him, or staying with him forever... and he mentioned that he couldn't afford a ring yet.
I said, "You know you'll have to ask my dad if you can do that, right?"
He said, "Oh, I know. I have a notepad file on my laptop with all the things I could say to him." Then said "But of course I can't get to it, since my laptop is broken...."

my heart is all a flutter.
i really do love him.




I've been angry and bitter for a long time.
And i'm exhausted.
I am so tired of making snide comments in my head about everything and everyone because I'm so bitter at the world.

So. This is the beginning of my prayer.
A prayer of peace, and grace and kindness... compassion...
Because I'm exhausted.
And I'm tired of thinking horrible things about people- even if I justify it by telling myself they're thinking the same thing about me.

...someone once told me "you'd be surprised how little people actually think about you. so stop worrying."
i wish it were so easy.