It Gets Better.

February 18, 2012
Mom: I didn’t hear you say anything about this special person in your life coming around this last week when you were sick. Did he not want to get sick, too?
Me: Still avoiding your questions! I’ll tell you when you’re ready.
Mom: Its not a guy is it?
Me: Do you actually want to know?
Mom: You’ve been acting odd for a while and I just want to know why you think you think this.
Me: Why I think I think.. What?
Mom: You think you’re gay.
Me: I never said I was gay. Bi, maybe. I’ve actually felt like this for as long as I can remember.. You just never asked, and I never told. 
Mom: Maybe it’s because it’s easier. You don’t want to get out there and date and maybe get your heart broke again. Nate hurt you alot so you shut down and you surrounded yourself with girlfriends. Too easy of an out. 
Me: Or I met a girl I actually like, and we started dating. Girls can break hearts, too. 
Mom: I don’t buy it. You have bought into the world of easy. I just don’t buy it. 
Me: lol okay.. You don’t have to. But I’m in a relationship with a girl. If it works out, it’ll work out. Why would you think this is easier? It’s like any other relationship I’ve had, maybe better. 

February 22, 2012
Mom: Just relaying a message.
Me: Credit Card. 
Me: When you’re ready you’ll talk to me again. Regardless of my decisions or life happenings, you know I’m still your daughter and you love me. Unless dad doesn’t love me.. You always sided with him.
Mom: I don’t know when I’ll be ready. My heart is broken. You are a child of God and kno what you’re doing is wrong and a sin. That your life is not what God wants. I’m praying that you see that. Until then all I can do is pray for you. And I love you.
Me: I haven’t been close to God in years, until I met her. I know you won’t understand. That’s okay. And don’t you think God would’ve said something to me first? But he hasn’t. Let him condemn me. That’s not your job. 
Me: And yes. I’ve been listening. So don’t tell me it’s because I ignore him. 
Mom: But you are the one who moved away. He’s always been right by your side. Sin has a way of pulling you away and making the world look so great. You know what I want? I want my sweet kind loving giving child back. She’s lost. If you can find her can you show her the way home? I know God can. 
Me: Also. I need uncle Joe’s phone number.
Mom: Why?
Me: Because he’ll be the only one who won’t hate me. And I’m not dignifying any of that with a response.. I haven’t been anyone’s sweet little girl in years. Years, mom. It’s a delusion to think I’m something I’m not, and haven’t been. I still know and love God. I just don’t have to love him in the same way you do.  
Me: He (my uncle) won’t judge me. Plus I want my girlfriend to meet someone of the family someday.
Mom: I’m done. I can’t, won’t, don’t have to deal with this even though you have destroyed me. But you don’t care about that. You have become selfish, hateful, rude, ugly and mean. I don’t even like to be around you anymore to be perfectly honest. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt but I’m through. I can’t take any more. All I can do is pray that God works a miracle in your life. 
Mom: God will judge you for your sins make no mistake about that.
Me: Good. That means you don’t have to. And insulting me and calling me names won’t change anything. Please give me my uncle’s phone number. 
Mom:  No. I’m done with this conversation. Please don’t text me. 
Me: Have you told anyone else?


Dear Mom,

I'm gay. I think at this point, that will come as no surprise to you.
I came out to you via text message, because you made me.... Well, I guess technically I told you I was bi... which is not accurate. I don't rule guys out, but I'm just not interested in what they have to offer. *ahem* I like the ladies. That's just how I do. And that's okay with me now. It took me this long to figure out that being gay isn't wrong. Being judgmental and mean is wrong. Judging people, instead of letting your deity do it, is wrong. I am just fine. I've made peace with myself and with the powers that be, and I'm okay now.

I was not surprised in the slightest by your reaction, but I was disappointed in you. I thought you'd grown to be a little more accepting of people, considering you talked to Uncle Joe (my fabulously gay uncle) everyday on the phone. The way you reacted was childish and mean, honestly. It was so uncomfortable, and it hurt so badly that I didn't think I would be able to get over it.
But that girl who was in my life then, and is still in my life now, helped me through it. She's my rock, and I wish that I could tell you about it.. But I know you won't be receptive. She has been there for me through the hardest days, the ones where I sat on the couch and cried. She's been there on the best days. She's been there on the mediocre days... She's been there. And still is.

I was not ready to come out then, but you forced my hand. You MADE me talk about it when I wasn't ready, and maybe that hurts even more than your insults and lack of caring. I wanted to come out to Uncle Joe first. He would've understood and could've counseled me on how to talk to you and Dad. It broke my heart when Uncle Joe died just a month or two later, and I didn't get to talk to him. I think often about writing a letter to his partner, Nick, though. It pains me to say it, but I still blame you a little for not giving me his phone number. I desperately needed an outlet and you denied me one. It still pains me to think about, so I try to put it out of my mind as much as possible. (But sometimes I can't avoid it. When Not-Girlfriend I went to St Louis Pridefest, the AIDS Memorial Quilt was there, and I lost my shit. I just started crying knowing I can't rewind time and go back to talk to Uncle Joe and get some much needed advice and counseling. But Not-Girlfriend was there at that moment, too.)

A lot has happened since we had that text conversation. Some really heavy stuff, and sometimes I'd like to be able to call you, my mother, and talk to you about the issues I'm having. Things like, Girlfriend and I broke up.  It's not that our relationship wasn't working out - on the contrary, it was incredible. However, even though we are so madly in love with each other, we realize that in order to be awesome together, you need to be awesome on your own. She's dealing with some things, and needs this time to become more awesome (even if I don't think that's possible... She's the awesome-est). But honestly, so do I. I struggle a lot with jealously and insecurity and how to properly display anger (even though I don't think anger is a sincere emotion. It's just a cover-up for fear)... something that, sometimes, I think I learned from you. But I would never tell you that because I think it would make you feel guilty. And that's not what I want.

But I'm tired of constantly feeling guilty, and that's why I came out. I have felt guilty my entire life about the feelings I have for girls. I can remember being around 5 years old and knowing I liked girls. But that's something else I can't tell you, because you think I'm doing this out of spite, or it's a phase or I've been hurt by boys. Because I was raised in a very conservative Southern Baptist home, I tried to pray away my feelings for girls. Considering my current circumstances, we both know that it obviously didn't work. When I was a teenager I was SO anti-gay due of religion and because of that, I hated myself. I hated the way I looked, the way I acted, then way I felt about everything. I didn't think I was lovable or that I could love anyone, ever. I felt worthless and sad constantly, so much so that I started cutting. Two years later, I finally got the courage to tell you and Dad that I needed help, because I didn't want to exist anymore. I didn't think anyone actually loved me or would care that I just *poof* disappeared. But you never knew any of this, and neither did my art therapist. Although I will say that the one poignant moment in my therapy was when Kim asked me to draw shapes of the emotions she recited. I remember drawing a cube for the word anger, meaning I kept it bottled up constantly. Kim made me journal. I've filled dozens of notebooks since then. See, sometimes only writing helps, which is why I'm writing you now.

Thank Heavens I never succeeded in any of my attempts, because I would've missed out on the greatest love I've ever experienced. I would've missed kissing a girl, and meaning it, for the first time. I would've missed the births of some of the coolest Tiny Humans on the planet. I would've missed out on getting to know my siblings. I never would've learned that I would be able to conquer some of the lowest, hardest times in my life. I never would've graduated from college, or learned that I have a passion for baking. I never would've learned that we, as people, are intrepid. Because of everything, I am better and stronger now than I ever could've imagined. I never would've learned that it DOES get better, even when it seems hopeless. If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self anything.. It would be that. It gets better. It always gets better. I've learned such valuable lessons by surrounding myself with incredible, incredible people who love me for exactly what I am, and nothing less. People who inspire me and motivate me to continue to make myself better for me.

I wish you knew I never meant to hurt you, or anger you, or embarrass you by coming out.. and I wish I could tell you that I'm honestly so much happier now. Not-Girlfriend is one of the most amazing people I have ever encountered in my life. She's strong and secure and confident. She's strong where I'm weak. She's brilliant and funny. And although you won't care to know this, she's the most stunningly beautiful creature on the planet. I am so in love with her.

Which is why I wish I could talk to you about this... because while she and I are not technically together right now, we're still together, and we take care of each other. That's what love is. Even when things are hard, you are patient and supportive. You carry the other when times get dark for them. And sometimes, dammit, I just need to talk to you about relationships or feelings or thoughts or whatever so that I don't go fucking crazy.... But that's also something I learned from you - bottle it all up inside me instead of talking about my feelings. But despite it all, at 27 years old, I'm finally learning how to communicate with the people I love, even about the hard stuff. Not-Girlfriend is great at communication. Me? Not so much. But I'm learning and I'm growing because of it. I'm not saying my communication is awesome, because it most certainly is not. Sometimes my heart hurts so badly, I have no words; so I get wasted then I hip check people on the dance floor and run away to cry about it because I'm not a mean girl. I don't even know how to handle confrontation. Yeah. That actually happened. I'm not proud of it. But it happened and it's over. At least I didn't punch anyone.

I wish you could come to an acceptance of me and my life. I know it will take time, and I'll be as patient as possible... but my life keeps happening and you are missing it. Sometimes I get really angry at you for not being there for me. No, not angry. Afraid. I'm afraid you will never come to terms with any of this, and I won't have a mother to run to, which is quite honestly, heartbreaking. You don't have to agree with my life or my choices. I mean, let's be honest, you've never been too keen on my decision making - we're very VERY different people. You are Christian lady so you believe that women should be ladylike and meek and subservient. I've never fit into your mold. I've always loved doing my own thing and being my own person... And now, I finally am. I may not have the job you want me to have or the relationship you want me to have or the degree you want me to have... But that's okay. I'm doing me now and I think you should be proud of me for that.

Love,
Your awesome daughter who also happens to be awesomely gay.

PS. I'm working on forgiving you, but I'm not there just yet. And that's okay. We all need time to feel.

There is a hummingbird in her chest.

On my days off, I sit on my couch and read articles about up-coming politicians, articles about injustices that shouldn't happen in America, the land of the free, articles about lesbian couples who lose their baby because the hospital they attended wouldn't recognize the couple's rights as a domestic partnership.

On my days off, I sit on my couch and cry, because my heart breaks for this country. For the future.
It probably doesn't help, at all, that I'm also listening to Andrea Gibson, whose views mirror mine.

I live in what I consider to be the most conservative, Bible-thumping, anti-liberal, anti-gay, pro slut/gay/atheist-shaming town in America, and it's starting to wear on me.

The other night, I attended the City Council meeting for the first reading of the non-discrimination policy.
I had decided that while I was in Springfield, I was going to help inspire change, instead of complaining about the bigots and the religious crazies and the fundies and all the awful humans who compare those in the LGBT community as "coke addicts", "perverts and pedophiles" and other such ridiculous insults.

Some days, that's easier to say than to do.

I really hesitated on whether or not to write this post, because my own thoughts are still a little jumbled.
There were really awful things said, but for every horrible statement, there was at least one positive statement.
It wasn't an overwhelming majority, but according to the City of Springfield twitter account, 36 speakers were in favor, 27 against, and 13 still in the queue to speak at the next meeting. (But according to KSPR, the numbers were a little different...)

Considering the way I just described this town, this is very exciting news.

The opposition said several times that this ordinance is unnecessary because LGBT people in Springfield are not discriminated against; that there were no cases reported, no stats or numbers on which to rely.
Supporters said time after time that LGBT people in Springfield have no place to go after having been discriminated against because there's no protections, no ordinances set in place to protect those Springfield citizens.

I know for a fact that the belief of the opposition is incorrect.
Because I'm one of those LGBT kids who've been hated, harassed, heckled and discriminated against in the workplace.

It was before I came out.
I was still the Q in LGBTQ.
I was still trying to be straight, and praying to God that my feelings for girls would go away.
I was working at the mall - a job I'd had for almost five years when I quit. It was a part time job to get me through college.
I had seen management come and go, I'd seen other employees come and go - though the ones that stuck around were other LGBTQ kids. There were at least 4 of us.

As management changed, the store changed - sometimes for the better, and at the end, for the worse.
One night, a girl from my roller derby league came into the store.. It was just before Christmas and we were open for 24 hours. I was working 3rd shift. 10pm to 6am, I believe.
She was drunk, and with her boyfriend. She marched directly up to my manager, who I'll refer to as K, and asked "Where's my wife!"
(.....For those of you who don't know, in roller derby, we have wives. It's merely another title for a derby best friend. Someone who'd cut you off when you'd accepted too many shots, and someone who could say "You're skating like shit tonight" without hurting your feelings.)

Eventually my friend found me on her own, after K was rude to her.
My pal had brought me ice cream. It was delicious at 1am.

Later that night, in the back room with all the employees, K asked, and I quote "You play roller derby?"
I responded "Yes. I do."
With a snarl and sarcasm in her voice she said "I didn't know you were a lesbian."
I said "I'm not."
She said "So why'd that girl call you her wife?"
...I then explained derby wives.
She nodded a little, and walked away.

And that's what I thought would be the end of things.
On the contrary, it was the beginning.

I found out a few days later that after my friend had referred to me as her wife, K had asked one of my co-workers (and friends outside of work) if I was gay.
The co-worker responded that I'm straight, and not gay... K responded back "Whatever. I always thought she was gay anyway."

The amount comments K would make to other people behind my back about my sexuality were unnecessary and uncalled for, and extremely unprofessional.
No, correction. The fact that she asked about my sexuality at all was unprofessional.
The fact that she even asked about my sexuality at all, as if it had anything to do with her job as manager, or my job as an associate, was unprofessional.

My hours started to diminish.
I needed at least 20 a week in order to pay my bills as a student; K knew this.
I began getting 4 hours a week.

I decided to speak with the other LGBTQ kids at work, to see if they'd experienced anything similar with K.
I wasn't surprised when they all said yes.
Cut hours, derogatory remarks made to their faces and behind their backs....
When the merchandising manager (an LGBT boy) told me that K had said things like "Jesus, you look gay today" or "Your outfit is so gay" or other statements she would then laugh about and walk away... I decided enough was enough.

I contacted corporate HR with my complaints.
I wrote any email, expressing my desire to remain anonymous in my complaint, but that there were more people at work who would be happy to put their name on their complaint, but that I needed the job to continue going to school and paying my bills. I explained I did not dislike the company for which I worked, but I did not, and could not, approve of K's behavior, as it made me very uncomfortable.

If I'm being honest, I was sick of K's behavior. She was rude to associates and customers. She blatantly discriminated against the LGBT kids that worked for her. She was down right mean to everyone. I wanted her fired for her behavior, because there were several times she made me cry- sometimes in front of customers. I wanted her fired. It's an injustice to treat people like they're less-than.

The company is a branch of a large retail corporation that should have done something about this situation.

I actually spoke to the HR representative on the phone.
She was friendly, but unhelpful.
I never got to the bottom of the situation, considering things got so bad that I quit.
I have a very high tolerance for bullshit - I can put up with a lot.
But constant harassment, and fear, and anxiety about a part time job at the mall was not worth my health or self-worth.
I know for a fact that manager is still employed at the store, leaving me to believe that nothing happened. Nothing changed. There were no consequences for K after she bullied 4 LGBT kids.
All of whom have given up their jobs at that store, might I add.
Two were hired by another company.
The Merchandising Manager asked for a transfer to another store in another town.
Me? I'm doing just fine now. I have a great job with managers/bosses who love me, and don't care if I'm gay. They just care that I do a great job and I don't steal money.

My story is nothing compared to others.
Even Girlfriend's story is horrifying and eye-opening and unbelievable. Her story is so much worse than mine.

There are so many LGBT people who have these stories, but with no consequences, with no one to answer to, people can keep harassing and discriminating and being complete assholes to those with a different gender identity or sexual orientation.
And because there's no protection, why would anyone ever willingly recant their story to someone who very likely doesn't care about this LGBT plight?

This ordinance needs to pass in order to protect Springfield citizens.
This ordinance needs to pass so LGBT college kids will decide to stay in Springfield and help grow the economy.
This ordinance needs to pass so that I will have hope for good communities again.
This ordinance needs to pass so I won't feel, every single day, that I need to get out of here.

Springfield needs this to raise morale and the economy and honestly, to keep the diversity levels up.
It's not like there are an abundance of non-white people here. (Except for the Asian kids who attend MSU....) So, I mean... Springfield kind of needs a gay population. It's not like anyone else wants to live here right now....


Because the 3 hour time allotment was met, and because so many people did not get to speak, this topic has been carried over to another meeting.

Adam Crawford had this to say in the PFLAG Springfield page:

If you were not able to attend the city council meeting on the nondiscrimination ordinance last night, but would like to speak, you CAN still sign up to talk at the next city council meeting. They probably won't extend the public hearing to a third meeting, so if it goes over time again, then that's it; no more speakers. Therefore, you're strongly encouraged to sign up early with the City Clerk (417-864-1650). The 3 minute time limit still applies. If you've already spoken, you will not be allowed to be speak again.

The meeting will be Monday, August 27th @ 6:30pm, City Council chambers (830 N. Boonville). Please do so if you can. We need your support.


I'm angry, I'm sad... and I want to see some progress.

Patience has never been a virtue that I naturally possessed.

VAGINE REGIME!

The following is a press release about Vagine Regime’s new film project, straight from GoGo! Donate, donate, donate! This is SUCH a great opportunity and endeavor for all the queer roller derby folks!
______________________________________________________________________

[Homespun Pictures]

Contact: Bernard Parham
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Tel: 423.505.8869
Email: bernardcasting@gmail.com

Contact: Erica Tremblay
Tel: 310.944.8519
Email: snippypete@gmail.com

ROLLER DERBY VETERANS BEGIN PRE-PRODUCTION ON DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT GAY, QUEER, AND TRANSGENDER SKATERS

Los Angeles, CA—Filmmaker and former roller derby coach Erica Tremblay (AKA Go-Go Gidget) has partnered with fellow skater and activist Tori Talavera (AKA Injure Rogers) on VAGINE REGIME: a feature-length documentary about gay, transgender, and queer athletes in the roller derby community.

VAGINE REGIME is not just the title of their documentary, it is also the name of a global collective of queer derby skaters. The Vagine Regime originated online in 2005, and it has since evolved into a real-world community with an express mission to celebrate and promote acceptance of queer athletes in the derby world.

VAGINE REGIME is currently in pre-production, and it has an estimated budget of $35,000. The producers are raising funds via the Kickstarter social media site, and contributions can be made at the following link:http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ericatrembay/the-vagine-regime-a-documentary-where-vaginas-coll.

This documentary is the second project produced by Homespun Pictures, the production company founded by Los Angeles-based Producer/Director(s) Bernard Parham and Erica Tremblay in 2011.

Their previous project, the feature-length documentary HEARTLAND, profiled survivors of last year’s tragic tornado strike in Joplin, MO. HEARTLAND was screened in Joplin last May and received rave reviews; it is currently on the festival circuit. 

Ah, geez. I gave in.

**this post is doing that weird colored text/background thing again. Drives me CRAZY. I know it's from copying and pasting... but still**

I really didn't want to write an entire post about ChickFilA.

But.
Facebook always inspires anger in me... Very specifically, my Mother's facebook. (While we're not friends, sometimes I go to her page and see what she's up to.)

And unfortunately, she posted a link to the most ridiculous petition I've ever seen, which of course she signed, and shared so more ridiculous people would sign.

I. can't. even.

Can I petition a petition?
(You will find all petition excerpts to be italicized.)


Recently, Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy announced that the restaurant chain supports the traditional view of marriage as between one man and one woman. While this stance may offend many, it is within Chick-Fil-A’s right to free speech, and furthermore, Chick-Fil-A does not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, or sexuality with regard to service or employment. Therefore, Chick-Fil-A cannot be construed as an intolerant organization; rather, it simply states its beliefs in a legal and civil manner.


.....wut?

I'm pretty sure they are seen as intolerant because
1. They don't provide the same benefits for queer employees. How could they when they don't support gay marriage?
2. It's not their stance on marriage that's pissing people off - let's all be honest, how many people were actually surprised this closed-on-sunday Jesus-y Bible thumping corporation is against gay marriage? Not this girl. It's knowing that I have eaten there, and I have thereby funded a corporation's donation to blatantly anti-gay organizations.
2a. I wouldn't give a shit if Dan Cathy in all his holier-than-thou-self-righteous-my-seat-in-heaven-will-be-gold-laden-and-faaaaabulous-religious-bigot- you're-not-getting-into-heaven-faggot-self donated every single one of his PERSONAL pennies to anti-gay causes. PEOPLE can do that. It's when CORPORATIONS do that... with MY money!
3. Furthermore, fuck you. I've only eaten there a handful of times, but I want my $20 back. 

On the other hand, the “Gay Rights” petition, by its very nature, stands as an example of intolerance. The First Amendment guarantees freedom of speech, and Dan Cathy was within the legal parameters of the First Amendment by stating his views, and that of the establishment, with regard to marriage. In sharp contrast, the “Gay Rights” petition moves to terminate the existence, presence, and practice of Chick-Fil-A and its business, a clear example of intolerance. Each party has the right to disagree with respect to their beliefs; it is common knowledge that America was founded upon the principles of religious freedom and respectful disagreement. However, the “Gay Rights” petition crosses the line from disagreement to intolerance in its attempt to shut down Chick-fil-A.

1. I was unaware we were trying to shut them down. If we tried to shut down every corporation that disagreed with gays and homo marriage... well, that would be exhausting. It's simple - it's the only power we have as pawns in the Corporation chess game: simply choose NOT to give our money to corporations/projects/people who don't share the same morals/values/ideals that we do. They'll stay open. But, I'm not giving them MY money.
2. GAY RIGHTS ARE THE SAME AS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. THEY'RE THE SAME DAMN THING.

• I want to be happy and feel secure in the country in which I currently choose to live. 
• I want to get married, and perhaps have the same benefits (especially those of insurance) as Straight kids.
• I want to have babies of my own AND adopt some babies. 
• I want to be able to visit Girlfriend in the hospital if, Deity forbid, something were to happen to her.
• I want to know I'm not going to be fired just for being a homo. 
• I want to know that I'll be able to find, and keep, housing, despite the fact that I'm homo.

2b. Honestly, I think the Religious Community is more concerned with what's happening in my bedroom than I am. I mean, I don't give a shit what's happening in your boring sex life, so stop caring if/why/when I'm homo.
2c. Maybe the religious folk just need to get laid.
3. Tolerance is like respect. If you give it to me, I'll give it to you. You don't see my Gay Agenda getting all up in YOUR bed, so get out of mine.
3a. American was founded on respectful disagreement? Whaaaa....? Last I heard a bunch of people came over here for the SAME reason - therefore agreement. Not disagreement... Or maybe they skipped over the "Respectful Disagreement" section in all my American History classes.




Chick-Fil-A has every right to support any cause they choose, just as Office Depot has every right to support 'gay marriage.' Chick-Fil-A has never refused a sandwich to a homosexual or those in support of homosexuality. Their choice to support whatever causes they believe through donations and statements is entirely within their rights. It does not produce or formulate a "hostile environment for queer youth and allies." At least, no more so than Office Depot does for those who support traditional marriage. And I see no petition to stop purchases through KU from Office Depot. 

Uh. No. No no no no no.
1. Chick-Fil-A's funding DIRECTLY supports anti-gay groups, which helps perpetuate the idea that it's okay to blatantly despise, hate, bully, hold down, discriminate gays AND THEREFORE perpetuate the idea that it's OKAY to "create hostile environments for queer youth and allies"... and all other queers, regardless of age.
1a. According to 6 varying sources, Chick-Fil-A has donated an estimated 5 million dollars (2003-2010)  to Anti-Gay groups such as Exodus International (which spreads the idea that gays can, and should, be 'cured'... but RECANTED their mission  and apologized to all the Christian gays), Marriage and Family Foundation, Family Research Council.
1b. "Chick-fil-A has donated at least $5 million to organizations (including a certified hate group) that, among other things, depict gay people as pedophiles, want to make "gay behavior" illegal, and even say gay people should be "exported" out of America." Source
1c. Let's face it: despite what the company's president says, Chick-Fil-A is an anti-gay corporation," wrote Tyler Coates in Blackbook. "I hate Chick-Fil-A, and not just because I think pieces of chicken slathered in pickle juice is inherently revolting. I hate Chick-Fil-A because Chick-Fil-A hates me. You know what I do have a problem with? The fact that the company gives so much g**damn money to anti-gay groups. Source
2. Why are they bringing up Office Depot? Do they think they can redirect the attention from themselves to Office Depot? Unlikely. No one boycotts businesses that are friendly and open and support equality.
2a. It's more than just gays who are included in the ideal of "equality". It's every single person who has EVER identified as a minority. (Yes. Even Christians. They were a minority once, too... It's just unfortunate  that now, the only Christians in the minority are the awesome ones.)

If Chick-Fil-A is undeservedly banned from the campus, there will certainly not be the “diversity and inclusion” that supporters of the petition claim is so important. There will only be those who disagree with traditional marriage. While, a sizeable number of students and faculty may feel this way, it is certainly not representative of the entirety of those who make up the staff and student body of the University of Kansas. If those who disagree with Chick-Fil-A’s stance don’t want to support its values, then by all means, they can stop eating there. Chick-Fil-A’s stance has always (or at least, for some time) been this way. That is, one of supporting traditional family values and biblical principles. It is only of late, when those values were reaffirmed, that those in disagreement sought its removal from KU’s campus. Chick-Fil-A has served quality food with respect and integrity to all who come through its doors. There is no valid reason why disagreement from those opposed to Chick-Fil-A’s values should succeed in not allowing Chick-Fil-A to be in existence, presence, or practice.


1. Honestly, if things get banned from a campus, it's because students rallied around a cause and made it happen. It's not because all Teh Gayz got up in arms and decided to run them out of town on a rail.
1a. Diversity and Inclusion means that no one discriminates against anyone else. And maybe without Chick-Fil-A they can get back to doing that.
1b. If it's being banned because of a student petition it CLEARLY is the majority of students wanting Chick-Fil-A to the fuck out of Dodge.
1c. orrrrrrrr MAYBE THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE YOUR CHICKEN.
2. NO ONE DISAGREES WITH 'TRADITIONAL' MARRIAGE. Get married, we don't give a fuck. But we want to get married, too. Bottom line. That's all.
3. If you're supporting 'Biblical principles', support them all. Why are you picking and choosing? Because the ones you choose benefit you and make you feel less guilty?

From The West Wing “The Midterms” (2x03).

Bartlet: I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.

Jenna Jacobs: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does.

Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.

Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.

Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, and always clears the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My chief of staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here’s one that’s really important, ‘cause we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes us unclean - Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tightass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

Lastly, what the actual fuck is this petition petitioning? The opinions of everyone else in the world? The fact that KU doesn't want Chick-Fil-A on their campus anymore? I'm not even sure.

This existence of this petition is absurd.



In other news, while researching this topic, I found this.
Granted, it IS Fox News (but hey. I wrote in my last post that you should read all the sources in order to form A, facts and then B, opinions.)
Those comments drew a sharp response from Rev. William Owens of the Coalition of African American Pastors. “Some people are saying that because of the position that Chick-fil-A is taking, they don’t want them in their cities. It is a disgrace. It is the same thing that happened when I was marching for civil rights, when they didn’t want a black to come into their restaurant," he told a press conference in Washington, DC.

And in closing, I'd like to point out the irony of 666 people have signed the petition at this very moment.

NSFW language, because I'm on my soapbox.

Just..... seriously. Wtf.

I am so fucking sick and tired of people (mostly of the Religious persuasion) picking and choosing what/who they're going to judge and what/who they're going to accept, and which Biblical laws they should follow, and which to discard.
Oh, and which ones to make up.

alebcass.tumblr.com

 














The following judgements will be made to you courtesy of my religious upbringing (and, for the most part, real-life experience with people inside the Baptist Church of which I was a member), and are, apparently, just fine in the eyes of the deity and all Christians:

• Seduce a youth pastor and ruin his marriage.
• Have a kid without getting married, move in with baby daddy, have another kid. 
• Be a raging judgemental Planned-Parenthood bombing type of Christian. (the bombing part is an exaggeration... or is it?)
• Be a Republican Presidential candidate who's against all things gay, but have Grindr on your phone.
• Wish death and destruction on other countries/cultures/peoples/gays.
• Actually bomb Planned Parenthoods.
• Damn and judge people openly on street corners downtown.
• Maybe become a priest and have sex with young boys.
• Own companies, and use the profit to support Anti-gay (and anti-everything good) organizations, pose as a teenage girl on facebook to shame people posting on their wall, lie a lot.... 
• Cry out that you're oppressed, when in all actuality, you're oppressing everyone else. 

BUT SOMEHOW BEING GAY IS WORSE THAN ALL THE STUPID SHIT THAT CHRISTIANS DO THEMSELVES.
And let's be honest, that's just the tip of the iceberg of shit that Christians/religious folk do to one another, and every one else.

http://koknbawlz.tumblr.com/post/28270842066

I just.... what?


I am sick and fucking tired of Christians telling me where I'm going when I die, or how to live my life, or judging me when, according to their own religious text - no one can do that except God.

UGH. My own Mother commented a friend's status and mentioned that every time someone says anything against the LGBT community, we freak out and get up in arms, and there's no reasoning with us.

.....which, I commented on the same thing, and got up in arms but it was because the article the person posted about the Chick-Fil-A debacle was completely ridiculous and unfounded. It wasn't even an article - it was BLOG POST. Sorry I'm not sorry that I don't base my opinions and beliefs on BLOG POSTS. I read facts. I read MULTIPLE sources. DO YOUR RESEARCH before your post something stupid on your facebook wall and talk about it like it's Scripture.

i don't know who i stole this from.

But if the Religious community wants to freak out every time anyone else comments on their shit, but the LGBT community can't say ANYTHING to defend ourselves, or to reach out to them and help them realize we're PEOPLE, we're oppressing them. We're being dicks to them. But I guess I shouldn't expect Fundies to have any sense to see logic, considering the shit they shout on street corners or open forums or anywhere else people might overhear them saying "girls who were open toe shoes are sluts" "Marrying a divorced woman is adultery and you're going to hell."

http://atheist-overdose.tumblr.com/

So just back the fuck off, you crazy Christian weirdos.
Because YOUR God was the one who made me gay.
I didn't choose to have my heart go pitter-patter and nearly burst out of my chest with I met Girlfriend.
Because that's what happened.
And that's what happens every single day.
Who could hate that? I just don't get it.
It's whatever EVERYONE wishes, and hopes, and dreams for.

I didn't choose this. I didn't choose to have my Mom hate me, or my Dad make transphobic "as long as you don't want to BE a boy" comments after I say I want to cut my hair really short...
I didn't choose to have people stare at me when I shop at walmart, holding my girlfriend's hand.
I didn't choose to have people judge me, or have the option to fire me for being gay, or kick me out of where I'm living because I'm gay.
I didn't choose to be nervous going to eat at places like Lambert's. (What if people stare? What if we get kicked out? What if people are mean to us/spit in our food/give us poor service?)

I've been very lucky. I have an extremely amazing support system. I have a job, a college degree, an incredible relationship, ways to support myself....
But a lot of kids don't have that.
They get kicked out of their house (like Girlfriend), disowned....
There are hate crimes...
Like this one
And this one
And this one
And this one
And this
And this
And this.
This. 
This. 

And of course things like Same Sex Couple Denied Wedding Cake By Bakery, and the couple who were denied a wedding announcement in their local paper (by, hey-o... joke's on you, newspaper, since their upcoming nuptials now have international attention!)...

And of course, the creation of such LGBT self-defense groups like Pink Pistols.

No one would choose this.

Don't get me wrong. I've never been so happy (gay, if you will ;D ). I am the happiest and healthiest I've ever been (Girlfriend and I are working out and eating right!).
But sometimes it's hard.
Sometimes you just want to move to Canada... okay, actually, a lot of the time I want to move to Canada, but Girlfriend says we don't have enough money to do that right now.

All I'm saying is that it's exhausting to be constantly surrounded by religious bigots who throw around Scripture like everyone believes it and should follow it.
Or, they make things up like "Jesus hates gays."
Once again, Religious people... do your research. Jesus didn't say anything about teh gayz.


If we're all human, we should all have the same rights.
We should know by now that we can't judge anyone, and from our own judgments base how we treat other humans.
It's unfair.
Always practice empathy.



And now I'd like to list today's gay agenda (mostly I just wanted to use that photo....)

http://atrocious-stories.tumblr.com/

Yell at the cat for being annoying, then feed him.
Put a load of laundry in the washing machine.
Throw out beer bottles.
Sit on my couch with the blinds closed and cruise around Tumblr.
Make some coffee, maybe add some milk and sugar.
Drink said coffee.
Watch 45 seconds of Michael Phelps swimming 200m butterfly.
Call into work today so I can hang out with Ellie and Matt, who are coming in town for 1 night.
Probably take a shower if I can tear myself away from Tumblr.
Kiss and hug my girlfriend when she gets home from work.
Go eat at Lambert's.
Die because I'm too full.






okay, bye!

http://kerponica.tumblr.com/

You look like a perfect fit

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THIS POST AND THE ODDLY COLORED/BACKGROUNDED TEXT.

Well. 

It's been a while. 

And now I'm trying to think of something meaningful and poignant to say, when in all actuality I should just come out and say it...

I'm gay.

Queer, if you will. (I wanna take it back- I love the word queer.)

I also quit derby.
And I came out as an Agnostic Theist. (today, actually. On facebook. Which is .... nothing, really.)
I have a job! (finally.)
I'm looking for a new job, and applied to one for which I'm likely super under-qualified. (that syntax was weird.... REGARDLESS. You get my point.)

So, let's get to each of these topics! 


1. The gayness... as if you haven't noticed yet. 

I don't want to focus this post on my life-long struggle with being closeted... So I won't.
But that's the truth. I can remember all the way back to childhood and knowing the way I felt was "wrong".... But I grew up in a Conservative Southern Baptist home, so it it what it is.
I'm not surprised at some of the reactions I've gotten. And that's fine. 

I can't say it's been easy, considering one of the most important people in my life won't really talk to me anymore and has since deleted me from facebook. 

So. It is what it is. No regrets! (yolo.....? nope. Still too soon. Worst trend ever.)

1a. girlfrieeeennnnnddddddddd. :)
Probably the most perfect human ever. Incredibly intelligent, beautiful, sparkling wit. She's giving, considerate, loving.... I could talk to her forever. She's perfect, honestly. We go together like peanut butter and jelly. (hahaha oh, cliches.) She makes me feel better constantly. She makes me happy. She makes my heart skip beats. I'm madly, madly in love. But seriously. We fit. And I'm so so glad I finally opened my mind to being out and happy and not caring about anyone else's opinion - because mine is the one that matters the most.


And if you can't live life happily, the way YOU want... life's not worth living. 

http://thinng.com/1599-beer-to-my-pizza-print

1b. I reallllllyyyyyyy want to cut my hair off. I'm over this in-between long and short business. 

But do I want to do the stereotypical baby dyke thing and cut all my hair off?

Yeah... I probably do. 

Even before I came out I wanted to cut my hair like Gennifer Goodwin. 

But now, I don't need to worry about "omg, will I look like a lesbian?"

Because that's okay if I do now.

The only downside is that Girlfriend loves my long hair. haha :) She's supportive in whatever I wanna do, but she does love my long hair.

2. Derby. 

Well.... I couldn't afford it. I got laid off from my paralegal job and couldn't pay for derby anymore. 

It just wasn't fair to my teammates that I kept coming to practice, but couldn't play in games or travel, because I wasn't paying my dues.

So, I quit.

I had every intention of going back to my home league....

And then I looked back on all the shit I put up with, and decided it wasn't worth it.

If I wanted to put up with a lot of shit, then I'd go to a bigger league, work harder to make the A Team, and going to regionals/nationals then.
It just wasn't worth it anymore. Lies, drama, rumors... I was over it. 

I still love all the girls, but that league just isn't for me anymore. 

So, I'm considering a rec-league/fun league/non WFTDA league in town so that I can go and play without a lot of pressure. 

I'm scared - I haven't had skates on my feet in months, and I stopped working out because I started working all the time. SO I know I'm hella out of shape. 

So there's the short of it. I won't go into anymore detail because I have nothing against the girls, in general, and I don't want to hurt their feelings anymore than some of them hurt mine.

3. So... I'm agnostic theistic. 

I've been studying and questioning and learning more about religion ever since I took religious studies courses and mythology classes.... And I just can't find much intellect within the religious community.

I don't get it.

It doesn't make sense.

There are so many translation errors within the Bible these days - which, if we're being honest, is because the Bible was written in a much different times. Actual words meant something different. ESPECIALLY words in greek, latin and hebrew. And if they are translated wrong, your interpretation of your 'holy word' is skewed. 

For example: 

http://atheist-overdose.tumblr.com/?q=Overdose248491

And this, too:

http://imonmyway-tohappiness.tumblr.com/post/27303999404/meandnothingless-got-a-problem-with-gay

I think that the scholarly study of the Bible is so interesting.

Makes me want to go back to school. haha (But alas, I wouldn't make any money in that, and I'd be in school for about a thousand years, give or take.)

So, uh... there's that. I'm sure I'll write more about it in the future.

4. I have a job!

I'm working at a fine wine/spirits/micro beer retail store.

I kind of love it and I kind of hate it all at the same time. 

I get to hang out around, purchase with a discount, and talk about booze all day long.

However, I was hired to work days, and some weekends.... And I'm actually working nights and most weekends. Which angers me.

I also found out yesterday that one of the guys who worked at the first Store moved up here to take this job... and he was promised the same thing, and like me, didn't get it. 

He's considering moving back home, and I don't blame him one bit. 

People are honestly dropping like flies.

We just hired a new lady, and I swear to all that is holy, I will quit if she gets to work the day shifts. 

4a. I'm looking for a new job!

I need more stability. I need to know that I'll constantly be full time, regardless of conversion rates or if we hire a billion new people. 

I also need benefits with my full time status. 

Because I like to go to the doctor and dentist and such. 

I like to know that I'll be able to go to the emergency room if I need to and not be charged $5,000 for an IV drip. 

So, I applied at a bank (Thanks, Elise), even if it IS part time, it'll be more stable than my current job already. I put up my profile on Care.com to see if I can get a nanny job. And last night, after a few beers, I decided to apply for the Communications Organizer job that PROMO has open. 

It sounds amazing, and would do everything in my power to learn quickly so that I could kick ass and take names for such an amazing cause. 

However, I fear I may be woefully under-qualified, which is sad. Because, damn... what a cool fucking job. 

So uh... yeah.

that's all I got for now.

http://howdyimran.tumblr.com/

PS - a big fatty thank you to the tumblr people from whom I stole gifs/pictures. Please don't hunt me down and kill me.... I'll get better about click-through links and giving you credit <3

Adventure.

Ever since I started my get-healthy Adventure, I've lost 30 pounds.

More importantly, I can squat 253 (not max- just work out weight).

My derby thighs are looking stellar.

On that note:

Me: Just squatted 253! I'll take it!

Elise: From the sounds of it, you could squat almost all of me. (which means, I EXPECT YOU TO BE ABLE TO SOON!) :D

Me: Challenge accepted!!

Elise: YESS!!

....maybe I can incorporate "Squat Friends" into training for the Warrior Dash in KC2012 which I will be battling through with theee Mary Lou Wretched.... I'd better start running more/faster. ;D

So... hells yeah.

My workout tonight was brutal... I pushed super hard tonight.

Upped all my weight, ran my cardio on an incline.

I'm not gonna lie - it was fueled.

If you haven't read about my sorority adventures, you can read them here or on my Fuck Yeah Roller Girls page.

Well.

A catty friend-of-a-friend cracked a joke about my misfortunes in said group.

Although it doesn't much matter... Specifically, I commented on a picture of President Obama and said I don't put my hand over my heart, and I don't feel any less patriotic. Snatch-Face replied with "But you're not president" .... "Anymore! :o"

And sure. Maybe I was being sensitive, but I'm 97% sure it was said specifically to get a jab in.

I wanted to shank that stupid bitch... She honestly has never met me. Ever.

I do not understand the necessity for women/girls to tear each other down for the hell of it. (Which is reason #564 why I love derby - because we don't do that shit.)

ANYWAY.

I got mad, and headed straight to the gym. It was precisely the fuel I needed to walk across my flooded parking lot to the complex gym.

Maybe I should get angry before every workout.

Because as I did my squats I realized..... I can squat two of that stupid twat.

I am stronger and more powerful than she is.

I have moved on with my life and become something better than I was.

That girl is nothing to me, and never will be.

So, don't sweat it - sweat it OUT.

And that's precisely what I did.

Hell, I even left my hoodie on for maximum sweating.

Which would be a gross statement if I weren't writing to an audience of derby kids.

So for today, remember that you're more powerful than those assholes in your life.

And if you're not... well, work harder. :)